A En Glee Bissell des un Sell

Wos de Schwarnote is Letz?

Hickerniss Valley,

Uf der Annere Seit em Berg.

Dec. 16, 1896.

Mister Drucker:

Was der henker is letz mit en dale fon der menner un weiver heitich dawgs?

Mer mahnt gawis sie waere gon ferruckt un sie schucka sich ah doss wann nix zu duh waer in daerer welt os youscht enonner rum kawterer.

Ufkohrs ferschtat mich recht, ich mahn net dos oll de leit so sin, net beim’s holbfartel, un is ah gut dos es net so is sunscht dates bol feier owet g’mocht warre mit unserer grumbucklicher welt. Ovver wie mer haert gebts zu fiel menner un weiver schrapes un en dale derfon duhna ahm gons ous fix bringa wann mer sie haert ferzahle.

Ich will eich youscht ah beischpiel gevve, un der mecht eier ahgene opinyun forma, ich hob meine schun long fartich g’macht.

Do in unserer Valley—un ich schem mich’s zu sawga dos mer so lidderliche leit hen un sie duhna duch ihre nawsa ferdult hoch drawga in der Hickerniss Valley—war de yung Dollie Doddledaub un der Bobby Bohnawitz.

Sie sin olle zwa fon rechtschoffene familyah kumma un wie sie ufg’wacksa wahre hen de leit do rum sie eppes apartiches ahg’sahne.

Sie wahre oll zwa orrig gut guckich un waere ah schmart ganung g’west wann der Herr ihna en wennich harn g’schenkt het.

Sie sins menscht uf ihra gute looks gatravelt un so long dos sie bahaft hen hut niemond nix zu sawga kot.

Endlich hen sie keiert, ovver net ennoner, un ich denk dort is wue sie der mistake gamocht hen, youscht sie waere ferleicht zu dumm un zu foul g’weszt sich holver diesent enahre.

De Dolly hut en neister, schmarter, reicher bowerabuh g’heiert der zimlich ferblennt war mit ihrer rother bocka un schane appearans.

Der Bobby hut en ivverous fel yung maedel keiert,

Sie is brawf, schmart un reich.

Der Dolly ihr mon un em Bobby sei fraw sin net gut guckich ovver sie hen yades blenty geld un sell hut ufg’mocht for onnere socha.

Well de zwa familya hen grosse, gute bowereia gahgend im evverer dale fon der valley gons naigscht beinonner un sie wahre uf orrig gute terms mit enonner.

In fackt ich hob immer g’mahnt sie hen net fiel drum gevva um onner leit ihr kumpanie un de nuchbora leit hen sich net fiel um sie ob’gevva.

Ovver sie hen duch de maneuvers g’sahne wu’s ols gevva hut un wie’s ahmol gagnelt hut wohre sie net surpreist.

Wie g’sawt de zwa familya hen enonner fiel b’sucht un sell war ah nix letzes un ovver eb orrig long hen de nuchberer g’sahna dos der Bobby un de Dolly schier mahner beinonner wahre os wie mit ihre ahgena familya.

De Dolly hut en gute mawd g’hott for uf der kinner acht-gevva un de arwet zu schoffa un der Bobby hut ah net schoffa breicha wann er net so g’fiehlt hut, un er hut epper g’sawt er waer mied gabohra g’weszt so dos er net g’schofft hut wann’s nothwennuich war.

Well, nau, der kennt eich about forschtella wie des ding g’schofft hut.

Ich will eich sawga, es schlescht ding in der welt for menner un weiver is wann sie ahfonga zu faullenza.

Es kummt gawis nix gutes drous.

De Dolly un der Bobby wahre fiel in ennonner ihrer kumpanie un es is fon ahm sum onnera gonga,

Endlich hen sie ennonner g’miet en wennich nahva drous un sin ols gonga buggy reids nemma.

Ivver enweil huts kahsa dos sie beinonner g’sahna worre uf der onner zeit em barrich un hen sich ahg’schickt os wie mon un fraw.

Oll de weil war der Dolly ihr monn fleisich on seiner arwet un hut ols gut g’fiehlt wann sei schane dolbub fon’ra fraw ihm ferzahlt hut won der gute zeit sie enjoyed hut bei ihrer schweschter wu sie b’sucht hut, un der Bobby hut seiner brahfa, unschuldicha fraw ferzahlt wie er so fiel bisnis hut dos ihn fon hame nemmt.

Ovver de same zeit hen de nuchbors ols enonner ahgaguckt un de kep g’schittelt un g’wunnert wiie long des lasta kann bis de kots ous’m sock g’lust waerd.

Uf ahmol is es kumma un derno war de gons valley imma ufruhr.

Ah morgya wahre zwa kevvuch laar un de fegel wahra fort g’floga.

Em Bobby sei fraw hut net ferschta kenna pahr dawg nuchderhond dos ihr monn net hame kommt un der Dolly ihr monn war gaboddert dos sie nix fon soch haerer luszt,

Endlich hen de zwa mol en wennich nochg’frogt bei der nuchberer, derno hen sie g’schwind ousg’funna wos es ding mahnt.

Mer wase es net un kann ah net ferschur sawga dos sie mitennonner fort sin, ovver mer kann duch denka was mer will.

For’s denka kann ahm niemond henka.

Eb sie yets beinonner sin, wu sie wuhna un eb sie ordlich geld mit hen, sin socha wu ich net wase,

Ferleicht hen sie sich im barrick ferschluppt un wella en glahne picnic holta un ivver weil widder beikumma; mer kanns evva net sawga.

Ahns bin ich schur; wann sie mitt enonner fart gakesselt sin, es reit sie en monnich mol for de schane, gute hameta wu sie ferlussa hen un wann sie denka fon ihrer guter looks zu lahva dann gebts en mighty din g’schleck.

Ya well, sie hen ihr bet g’macht un sie missa drin leia, un sie warre noch dinga ousfnna dos sie in ihrem lebdawg net draw gadenkt hen.

Ivver weil fergahne de rotha bocka un de scha hout, derno warre sie enonner so laddich wie der dreck uf der schtrose. Ovver mit sellem hovich nix zu duh.

Ich will youscht des nuch sawga zu meina yunga friend.

Wann der mol eier meind ufmocht heira dann mocht ah eier meind uf dos der rechtschoffa bei enonner lahva wet, so wies schicklich is fer monn un fraw, un bleibt derhame.

Dort hent er oll ganunk zu du.

Beileiva luszt des drous rum hommla unnerwahga.

Wann der net duht miszt der suffera derfor. Meint wos ich eich sawg,

Es is traurich ganung for engel heila zu mocha wann familya farschtroit un ferzuttelt gahna wu lieblich un harrlich se kennta wann de menner un weiver recht-schoffa mit enonner lahva dahta.

Der Alt Schuhlmeshter

A Little Bit of This and That

What the devil is wrong?

Hickory Nut Valley

From the Other Side of the Mountain

Dec. 16, 1896

Mister Printer (Editor):

What the devil is wrong with some of the men and wives nowadays?

We think indeed they were crazy and they act as if there is nothing wrong in this world with fooling around (with each other).

Of course understand me, I do not mean that all people are like this, not by a half dollar, and it is also good that it is not (right) or else there would be fireworks at night in our unbalanced world.

But the way we hear it, too many men and wives cheat, and some of them are out of wack when you listen to them tell it.

I just want to give you one warning, and you can form your own opinion; I made mine long ago.

Here in our Valley—and I am ashamed to say that we have foolish people and they hold their noses up in the air in Hickory Nut Valley—young Dollie Doddledaub and Bobby Bohnawitz.

They both came from reliable families and when they were growing up, the people around here saw something in particular.

They were both very good looking and were also smart enough to know when the Lord sent a little understanding to one of them.

They relied mostly on their good looks, and as long as they behaved, nobody had anything to say.

Finally they got married, but not to each other, and I think that is where they made the mistake, but they were probably too dumb and too lazy to know what they should do.

Dolly married a decent, smart, rich farmer who was handsome with red cheeks and had a nice appearance.

Bobby married a very young girl. She is well-behaved, smart and rich.

Dolly’s husband and Bobby’s wife are not good looking but they have plenty money and that made up for other things.

Well the two families had large, good farms in some part of the valley next to each other and they were on very good terms with each other.

In fact, I always thought they did not give the other people their company and the neighbors did not bother with them.

But the neighbors saw the behavior that went on and when it was revealed they were not surprised.

Like I said, the two families visited each other often and there was nothing wrong with that but after a while the neighbors saw that Bobby and Dolly were with each other more often than with their own families.

Dolly had a good maid to watch the children and do the work and Bobby did not have to work if he did not want to, and he told someone that he was born tired so he did not have to work unless it was necessary.

Well, now you can imagine how this thing worked.

I want to tell you, the worst thing in the world for men and wives is when they start to get lazy.

Indeed, nothing good comes out of it.

Dolly and Bobby were often in each other’s company and went from one to the other.

Finally they met each other and soon went for buggy rides together.

After a while, it was told that they were seen together on the other side of the mountain and they were acting like man and wife.

All the while Dolly’s man was busy with his work and sometimes felt good when his pretty dollbaby of a wife told him about the good time she enjoyed with her sister when she visited her, and Bobby told his well-behaved, innocent wife how he had so much business that took him away from home.

But at the same time the neighbors looked at each other and shook their heads and wondered how long this would last until the cat was out of the bag.

Once it happened and the whole valley was in an uproar.

One morning the two cages were empty and the birds flew away.

Bobby’s wife did not understand that for two days afterward her man did not come home and Dolly’s man was bothered that he did not hear from her.

Finally, they both asked their neighbors, and they found out quickly what was happening.

We do not know and cannot say for sure that they went away together, but we can think what we want to.

No one can be ashamed for what they think.

If they are still together, where they are living, and if they have considerable money, are things I do not know.

Maybe they are hiding in the mountain and want to hold a little picnic and after a while come around again; we cannot say.

One thing I am sure of; if they are settled in together, many regrets are to lose the nice, good homes they had and if they think that they will have their good looks for life, there will be a mighty bad outcome.

Yes well, they made their bed and they must lie in it, and they were finding out things that they did not think about in their lifetime.

After a while, the red cheeks and the nice skin will go away, then they will be so tired of each other like the dirt on the street. But I have nothing to do with that.

I just want to tell you this yet my young friend.

If you make up your mind to marry then you must make up your mind if this will work out right to live next to each other, decently for a man and wife, but stay at home.

That is what counts. Believe this and refrain from doing it.

If you do not do this, then you must suffer for it. Mind what I say.

It is sad enough for angels to cry when lovely and happy families fight and are torn apart but the men and wives should work and live together.

The Old Schoolteacher

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Editor’s note: The Lebanon Semi-Weekly News of the Late Nineties Penned by Joseph H. Light (1928). Translated by Mary Bittner Henry.