Dear Jacquelyn,

I enjoy hosting meals for friends and family. Weeks in advance, I plan the menu and coordinate all the details to ensure a lovely time. But every holiday I am confronted with the same question: What is the proper etiquette when you have friends over and they bring wine? Is the wine a gift, or is the host obligated to open the wine that night? I would like to finally know what I am supposed to do.

Dear Reader,

Happy guests, happy hostess; seems simple enough, but sometimes even the simplest thing can become complicated.

This question stumps many well-meaning hosts when their guests arrive. Knowing what to do ahead of time will make everyone feel comfortable, and that’s the goal.

The quick and easy answer is: The wine is a gift to thank the host for their hospitality and should be saved for later.

The key reason a guest should not expect their bottle of wine to be served is that the host probably spent time selecting the perfect wine that complements each course.

However, if a guest asks ahead of time “what can I bring?” and is met with “a bottle of red wine,” then the wine is no longer a gift but more of a contribution to the party.

Now, if you get caught off guard and a guest decides to bring you wine without advance planning, handle the situation politely. When presented with the bottle, you can say something like “Thank you for the gift. Would you mind if we saved it for another occasion?”

If you sense that the guest was hoping to include their bottle of wine in the meal, it’s best to simply open the bottle.

At the end of the day, the best gatherings are all about hospitality and great company.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training.

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