It may be difficult for some Lehigh Valley parents to imagine a child feeling his life is over because he was not admitted to Stanford University. Equally foreign to many local parents is the idea that they would do their child’s high school assignments for him. But these situations are real life, however, for some wealthy American families, some of whom spend several thousand dollars for private college admissions advising.

Greg Kaplan, who attended the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School for undergrad, and University of California, Irvine, for law school, knows what it takes to be admitted to an elite educational institution. Having tried investment banking and law, and realizing that neither was right for him, he also knows about finding the right career.

For nearly a decade, he has been in the college advisory industry, publishing “Earning Admission” in 2016 and “The Journey” this year, and counseling students and families as the owner of Kaplan Educational Group.

Kaplan works with families in Orange County, Calif., and uses some of them as examples – positive and negative – in “The Journey.” Having seen what a “Stanford or bust” mindset can do to some children, and noting a preference for big-name colleges that often has little to do with a student’s actual goals, he wrote this book to prevent “a toxic approach to parenting that is devouring many young, promising lives.”

Recognizing that some fields of work are “more economically viable than others,” he asserts that “young people will find success at the intersection of what they enjoy, what they excel at, and where there is a market opportunity.” Notably, his counsel is not aimed only at juniors and seniors, but all high school students.

On the journey

The Press spoke with Kaplan, as well as guidance counselors from local high schools, to understand what parents and students can do on their journey through high school, college and beyond. Kaplan says students should develop grit, leadership and passion, not only to impress college admissions officers, but also because these are traits with lifelong value.

Kathy Henry, who has been the freshman guidance counselor at Bethlehem Catholic HS for eight years, agrees that these three characteristics are important, but also notes that “teachers, counselors, coaches, and administrators […] are there to help students realize God’s plan for them.” What Kaplan calls “passion” – for example, feeling drawn to work in medicine – might be regarded as a calling or vocation by Becahi students and families.

Developing grit — and showing it

Kaplan defines “grit” as “the ability to deal with life’s monumental and day-to-day challenges.” His first piece of advice on helping a child develop grit is for the child to take on a part-time job, where low-level problems will abound, and parents will not be there to clear the way. His discussion of grit boils down to the importance of young people building their own strength by being allowed to fail.

Students who overcome disadvantages and challenges should not be ashamed to talk about them in college admissions essays. Rather, they should think about what was involved in overcoming these difficulties in order to reach their goals, and tell their stories honestly.

Andrew Uhler, guidance counselor at Liberty HS, notes that teachers model grit and leadership.

“Often, students struggle when faced with overcoming challenging obstacles,” he points out, and “teachers coach students through this process,” while “counselors reinforce this [coaching] with targeted coping strategies for students, as appropriate.” He believes students who write honest application essays about real obstacles they have overcome will appropriately be perceived as authentic by admissions committees.

Becahi’s Henry shares this belief in hard work.

“Our curriculum is rigorous and challenging, allowing students to develop a strong foundation of knowledge, and a solid work ethic.” However, students are not left to cope with struggles alone, but are given support to meet challenges.

“Never have I heard a faculty member turn a student down who needed help,” she says. With free tutoring available every day from students in the National Honor Society and social and emotional counseling provided through Catholic Charities, Henry says, Becahi helps students “develop skills that help them get through tough times.”

Brandie Uliana, guidance counselor at Notre Dame HS in Bethlehem Township, describes the ideal college essay as “tell[ing] an engaging story that gives […] insight into […] the qualities that [the applicant] will bring to campus and the classroom.” Like Henry, she notes that her school offers a challenging curriculum, including many honors-level and Advanced Placement (AP) courses.

Where to apply

Kaplan remarks that it is often difficult to convince his clients to consider applying to a competitive school with a great job placement track record, if its campus is socially and aesthetically unappealing. He notes that he meets many students who prioritize the “vibe” of a school – “the way the landscaping looks, the access to nightlife” – over the academic and career opportunities it affords, and their families often end up spending a great deal more for these surface features.

Henry notes the active role Becahi takes in making its students aware of the very real financial decisions they will be making.

“Student debt is a huge issue in our country,” she says, “and we want our students to make smart choices both academically and financially when it comes to a college choice. However, we don’t discourage students from applying to schools based on cost, since in most instances they don’t know what financial aid and scholarships will be offered to them.”

Becahi hosts speakers from the Pennsylvania Higher Education Assistance Agency, as well as local colleges, so parents can learn and discuss college costs.

Not everyone will attend college

Becahi helps everyone plan for the future.

“We encourage students to explore the trades,” Henry explains, “and other careers that will provide a living wage without an unreasonable amount of educational debt.”

Liberty connects families with colleges and financial planning tools in a variety of ways, including a series of events like Financial Aid Night, FAFSA Completion Night, and College Planning Night. The school also provides a postsecondary planning guide to families; counselors use it to work with students to explore different ways to achieve their goals. Although Uhler admits that some students will apply to colleges based on name recognition, he emphasizes counselors’ efforts to expand students’ horizons.

“The more that we can teach students the skills to explore different colleges and universities,” he says, “the more that they can find financially suitable, while highly rigorous, college experiences. Broadening students’ knowledge about private colleges that have different financial aid structures, or Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) also helps to broaden students’ sense of what is available to them […] The more knowledge we can give to students and families, the more empowered we hope they feel in making a decision that is sensible for them.”

Notre Dame’s Uliana helps families frame the cost-benefit analysis of different schools.

“It’s really important that families look at all of the available options,” she says, “and the cost of attendance over four years and do a side-by-side comparison to determine what the best overall fit and value will be […] We stress the importance of completing the FAFSA (Free Application for Federal Student Aid) no matter the family’s current financial situation, as some colleges will not award even merit scholarships unless the FAFSA has been completed.”

What leadership means

Kaplan frames leadership, the second trait he considers important, as “developing the skills to make an impact in a community.” He adds that students “do that by service to the community,” noting that service that resonates with admissions officers is getting others involved, and engaging with those in need.” Leadership, in other words, is not as simple as listing multiple club presidencies or student council roles on a college application.

Uhler agrees with this concept. He and other counselors encourage students to reflect on “the ways in which [they’ve taken] steps to lead others rather than follow” as they answer essays on the Common Application and individual college applications. He notes that students may have the trait of leadership, but have not yet internally articulated it: “Some students struggle to be self-aware and introspective, and helping them through this process is something that counselors are involved in from the start.”

“Find your

passion” not

just a cliché

Kaplan describes passion as the “north star that should guide a young person to unlock their full potential and build a rewarding life.” He recommends that parents not limit their children to one area of hyper-achievement, but allow them the freedom to discover the types of activities that make them excited about working hard.

Uhler remarks on Liberty’s approach under Principal Dr. Harrison Bailey III.

“Liberty has operated under the concept of identifying a student’s passion, and connecting it to their purpose.” One way the school does this is by requiring students to take freshman and junior seminars that are exploratory in nature, first providing opportunities for them to discover their strengths and career interests, then creating a plan of action to achieve their goals.

Henry shares some of the ways guidance counselors help students explore possible callings.

“This is where one-on-one conversations can be so powerful,” she says. “Reviewing grades and seeing where a student’s strength is in terms of subject matter can be a great starting point especially if the student is unsure of a career path.” She adds that the extracurricular activities that students join can also be a way into a discussion of potential career paths.

Uliana shares Notre Dame’s belief in helping students find their passion in the context of life outside high school.

“Passion is often sparked through our emphasis on community service and faith-based activities,” she says, adding, “Students are encouraged to engage in projects that allow them to explore their interests while simultaneously serving others and connecting with larger societal issues, inspiring a sense of purpose that extends beyond the classroom.”

Editor’s note: Guidance departments in many Lehigh Valley schools were contacted for this article. Not all responded to our request for an interview.