Dear Jacquelyn,

I am getting married next year and my future mother-in-law is not happy with some of my decisions. My fiancé and I really want to incorporate our own ideas into the ceremony. How do I deal with a future mother-in-law who’s voicing strong opposing opinions without ruining our relationship?

Dear Reader,

When it comes to wedding planning, it’s natural for mothers on both sides to want to be involved.

Problems sometimes arise when one wants to be way more involved than you’re comfortable with.

First of all, discuss this issue with your future spouse. You both need to be on the same page.

Then, together you can sit down and kindly inform her that you plan to incorporate some of her ideas, but perhaps not all of them.

Share with her the reasons why.

It’s highly likely that your future mother-in-law does not mean to be dishing out unsolicited advice. Giving advice could be her way to feel needed and included.

Avoid screaming and yelling matches, and try a more honest and open approach instead. Keep the lines of communication open and you can do this in a polite way that doesn’t damage your relationship.

It’s possible to be polite while still doing things differently, and at the same time appreciate her advice.

One way to push past this glitch is to include her in other wedding planning tasks to show you really value her opinion.

Opinions are always nice but, when it comes to weddings, final decisions are ultimately the bride’s choice.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training.

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