Dear Jacquelyn,

I have a friend who is rude to the servers whenever we eat out for dinner. I feel like he talks to the staff like he is talking to a misbehaving child. I end up trying to counter his rudeness by going over the top to be polite. How should you deal with a friend who is rude to restaurant waitstaff?

Dear Reader,

People can and will be disrespectful to any number of people for any number of reasons.

One of the times where this occurs the most is in the restaurant business. Customers pay not only for the food they eat but also for the experience.

If people are the slightest bit unhappy with the experience or the meal, they have a tendency to become rude. Often, the customer is perceiving a slight or injustice that isn’t there.

When your friend is rude to the server, consider saying something proactive. Try “John, I’m uncomfortable with the way you are treating our waiter.” Move on from there, and hopefully your friend will see the error of his ways.

Another way to better the situation is by the excusing yourself to use the restroom and then pulling the server aside. This move can at least preserve your reputation. And it is always nice for a server to know impoliteness was recognized by other diners at the table -- especially if you want to go back to the same restaurant.

You’re doing the right thing by modeling good behavior, but if you’re feeling uncomfortable with your friend’s behavior during meals, maybe it’s time to evaluate whether going out to dinner with him is actually enjoyable.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training.

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