Dear Jacquelyn,

A couple of weeks ago I attended a birthday party for a friend. I did not know most of the people there. I found myself watching everyone and not talking. I normally am not at a loss for words but, in this situation, I was totally out of my comfort zone. I did not want to come across as disinterested, but I felt awkward. Do you have any suggestions about how to engage in small talk?

Dear Reader,

Naturally, when we spend time with the people who are closest to us, the flow of conversation is effortless. We don’t struggle because it’s easy to share stories about common interests.

However, sooner or later we all find ourselves in social situations where we can and should engage in conversations with new people. The good news is, the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it.

The first thing you want to do is be aware of your body language and the message you are sending. You want to do a few things that will show others you are approachable and genuinely interested in them.

First, make a connection by smiling, make eye contact, and direct your body toward the other person.

The next step is simple, find a common ground. In your situation, you both knew the guest of honor.

When you find yourself in a situation like this, you can begin by sharing stories about how you met the mutual friend. Beginning with a common ground, that you both can relate to, establishes a connection.

So now you’ve established a connection, what next?

To keep the conversation flowing, pay attention and really listen to what the person is saying. Listen closely for something that can trigger a new line of conversation.

If you are still stuck, try discussing the setting, weather, or vacation plans. Don’t fear an awkward silence. If you listen first and talk second you will be successful in small talk.

Showing an interest in people is more important than trying to come up with something brilliant to say. When you hesitate, you miss out on the opportunity to meet new people. You don’t have to be brilliant, just nice.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training.

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