I was recently shopping in a big-box store, loading up my cart with a variety of items packaged by the case. Looking over sales in the soda aisle, I noticed one item I had never purchased before.

A lady stood near the display, and I asked her about the beverage. As she discussed the drink, loved by her children, she moved closer to the shelves, with difficulty and an obvious limp.

Convinced by our conversation to purchase the juice, I began to place the case in my cart.

“Do you need help?” she asked.

Innocent enough, a kind gesture, but I could not initially stammer out an equally kind reply. It was at that point cognitive dissonance hit the fan and the thoughts in my head began to scream. I was furious!

“How dare she!”

“Does she think I can’t do it myself?”

“Does she think I am old?”

“I should have been the one asking her if she need help loading her cart!”

Thank goodness, the better “me” took control - in part, I believe, because many years ago, I read an article in which the author stated that in the future, the words “May I help you?” would replace “I love you” as the most important phrase one person could say to another.

At the time of my shopping expedition, I was wearing black pedal pushers, a white shirt, a bright orange sweater and large black earrings. I admit I have lived through parts of eight decades, but I can lift cases of soda. I garden and mow my lawn, part of it with a push gas mower.

In my mind, I am still 16 years old.

In “A Theory of Cognitive Dissonance” (1957), social psychologist Leon Festinger wrote that humans strive for internal psychological consistency to function mentally in the real world.

“A person who experiences internal inconsistency tends to become psychologically uncomfortable and is motivated to reduce the cognitive dissonance.

“They tend to make changes to justify the stressful behavior, either by adding new parts to the cognition causing the psychological dissonance or by avoiding circumstances and contradictory information likely to increase the magnitude of the cognitive dissonance.

“Coping with the nuances of contradictory ideas or experiences is mentally stressful. It requires energy and effort to sit with those seemingly opposite things that all seem true.”

Festinger argued that some people would inevitably resolve the dissonance by blindly believing whatever they wanted to believe.

Finished shopping, I took my cart to the checkout, whereupon the cashier asked if I needed help loading my car. Not again - my brain was on the verge of exploding.

Why does everyone think I need help? I took an inventory - not my clothes, not my speech, not the way I walk.

Then I knew - my hair! It was gray.

Since COVID-19 and working from home, I have been negligent keeping up with the coloring of my locks.

Rushing back home, I immediately - even before putting away the groceries - pulled out the hair coloring and washed away the gray. What a relief!

Dear Dr. Festinger, I was truly stressed by their offers of help, but I was “motivated to reduce the cognitive dissonance.”

Yes, I do need the “internal psychological consistency to function mentally in the real world.” I admit, however, I have resolved the dissonance by continuing to “blindly believe” I am 16 - and by coloring my hair.

Or, Dr. Festinger, could it be my way of coping with the passage of time is to just remain in the state of denial?

Deb Palmieri

editor

Parkland Press

Northwestern Press