BY BONNIE LEE STRUNK

Special to The Press

We must have looked like a blissful older couple.

Why else would the young man and woman - complete strangers to us - step into our path and ask the secret to a long, happy marriage?

A male friend and I were walking on a recent evening when we were stopped abruptly by the couple, who appeared to be in their late teens or early 20s.

They seemed surprised and disappointed to learn we were coworkers and friends, not a romantic pair.

But since both my friend and I had been widowed after long, successful marriages, we felt qualified to offer our opinions anyway.

I told the young lovers the importance of being true to themselves and to their partner.

I cautioned not to try to be what they think the other person is looking for. Be authentic, I advised.

To me, trust is the most important element in a relationship, besides sincere love, of course.

I need to know my other half is presenting his true self and is committed to honesty and openness in every aspect of our relationship.

A number of my friends are on the same page.

“Don’t lie,” friend Sharon declared, when I told her the couple’s question.

“A person can lie by omission, too. The truth is important in a relationship,” she emphasized.

My neighbor, Wayne, did not give me a chance to ask the question.

When I mentioned the topic of my column, he immediately said, “Never lie to each other.”

Janet, married 57 years, agreed. “Be honest,” she advised. “Honor your vows.”

Another friend, David, who was married 45 years before his wife died, expressed a similar sentiment: “Know yourself and know the other person. Honesty of self is most important. Be straight up.”

And, he added, “Don’t try to change each other. Give each other the freedom to be themselves.”

I believe in partnering with someone I genuinely know and respect as a friend first.

Such a friend will have no hidden agenda if the friendship develops into a romantic relationship.

Debbie, another friend, is in agreement.

“Friendship is the biggest thing. Be friends first. Then you build on that. Without friendship, it’s hard to keep the relationship together when you go through life’s trials and tribulations,” she explained.

She added, “You have to have something more than physical chemistry. That fades over time.”

Yes, the honeymoon does not last forever. But companionship does.

So it is vitally important to remain best friends with one’s spouse or partner.

Truly liking the other person goes a long way toward sustaining a successful relationship.

Surviving the rough spots and retaining the magic is easier when couples remember why they chose that special someone.

There is value in keeping in touch with the qualities that first drew us to our mates.

Often those qualities include shared interests.

My friend Lynn recalled several activities she and her late husband had enjoyed together. But, she added, “He loved sports and I did not.”

That’s where compromise becomes necessary, according to my friend Dick, a widower who was married 50 years.

“You have to be willing to bend and compromise. If you are batting heads every day, that’s not good. It’s all in how you handle the disagreements,” he said.

Janet agrees. “You need give and take. You will win some and lose some. Be gracious about it.”

She revealed she and her husband “never go to bed mad. We talk it out and always kiss goodnight.”

My friend David holds similar views.

“You have to overlook the little problems, quirks and irritations because of the larger relationship,” he said.

Dennis, the friend who was walking with me, offered the young couple wise advice.

“Marriage takes work,” he told them.

“You have to work at it continuously to keep it strong. And you can’t take your partner for granted.”

He also advised the pair to follow the 10 Commandments in both their relationship and in everyday life. Amen!

I hope the inquisitive young couple treat one another with kindness and continue to seek heartfelt recipes for happiness in a loving and lasting relationship.

My wish for them is to share many enchanting sunsets and live happily ever after.