Dear Jacquelyn,

A few family members love to give advice in everyday conversation. What is the polite way to respond to well-intentioned but unsolicited advice?

Dear Reader,

Unsolicited advice can come from all different directions and can feel overwhelming at times.

Any time someone shares advice, it has the potential to create a mix of emotions that can be awkward for the receiver. Remember that most advice is offered in good faith and can be appreciated even if the content didn’t suit you.

When unsolicited advice comes from people who genuinely care, it often triggers reactions ranging from gratitude to a feeling of inadequacy. It’s important to pay attention to the spirit in which it was given.

The quickest fix is to be direct. Say, “I appreciate your desire to weigh in on this, but I might have given the wrong impression. I’m not actually looking for advice.”

Responding with the assumption that they care is a great buffer. Thank them for their input and remind them that that you will take it into consideration when you make the decision.

It’s important to take a moment to understand what is prompting them to offer the advice. Perhaps they have made the same mistake and want to save you from making it. In this scenario you could say something like, “It’s great that you’re interested in my dilemma and it sounds like you’re concerned about me making a mistake. I appreciate your thoughts.”

If the conversation is making you feel too uncomfortable offer a gentle pushback. You can say, “I appreciate the advice. Can we talk about it another time?”

In the end, when you receive advice, you don’t want or didn’t ask for, acknowledge their advice, smile apolitely and say, “Thank you, that’s great advice.” Then, change the subject.

Keep an open mind and do your best to take unsolicited advice in stride.

You might find that sometimes it is an opportunity to grow and is worth listening to.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training.

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