Heard and overheard by your local fly-on-the-wall reporter in galloping conversations around the registration table for the five-day “Retreat for Burned-out Working Mothers” at the Quicksand Retreat House, Longswamp Township, in nearby Berks County.

“I have no real life, just nostalgia.”

Cindy, Bittersville PA (wearing Britney Spears T-shirt)

“I’m too tired to even capitalize.”

Donna, Rebel Falls NC (has threatened her family with a Butch haircut if they don’t pitch in more around the house)

“I don’t like tidy anymore.”

Melanie, Meltdown OH (whose husband gave her a Roomba for their anniversary)

I’m too weary to even feel neglected.”

Debbie, Haggard MD (who dozed off in the registration line)

“Intimacy can be treacherous.”

Leanne, Alimonie DE (to wit: more than once she’s been left with the bills and a baby)

“I’m not interested in being the objective one.”

Vicki, Venomous PA (had a higher GPA than her lover)

“I worship on the Altar of Afflicted Women.”

Kathy, Worn-out NJ (sounding like she’s writing a novel or running for office)

“All men are dogs.”

Nancy, Kindergeld IL (chanted while whipping a lanyard with a feminist medallion on it over her head in hopes of inciting a flash mob dance)

“Coffee doesn’t do it for me anymore.”

Lucy, Last Nerve NY (revealing a flask of Peppermint Schnapps as she fumbled for a tissue in her capacious shoulder bag)

“The will to fight is the antidote to despair.”

Rosa, Desperado NM (who habitually clings to Dr. Phil quotes for solace and motivation)

“I never learned to proofread.”

Coleen, Inequity PA (somehow got the idea this retreat would help her with that)

“I am no more than a shadow on the wall right now.”

Jane, Sullen Park NJ (wondering at what point her family will miss her this week)

“I am tortured by unattainable goals.”

Tina, Maniacal PA (in the market for a new therapist tout suite)

“I’m tired of unrelenting sacrifice.”

Nina, Witsend NJ (Wornout’s sister city, separated by the Hadit River)

“My goals: to put a smile on my face, a bounce in my step, and a lover in my arms.”

Joanne, Rapier WI (at which someone muttered, this isn’t a week at the gym, Honey)

“My heroes are all 5-star chefs.”

Susan, Healing NH (who may already be on a contagious - and tasty - road to recovery!)