The text message arrived May 12.

“I GRADUATED ONE YEAR AGO TODAY. CRAZY!”

Where did the time go?

I remember that 2022 graduation like it was yesterday - because my daughter had finished her college degree, for sure, but also because she, diploma just barely in hand, was headed to a newly landed job in southern California.

Many parents find themselves in the midst of a family shift this time of year. Their high school graduates are preparing for a move to a college dormitory. Their college graduates are relocating for work.

Commencement ceremonies are filled with words of encouragement for the new graduates. Their parents, however, could also likely benefit from some guidance.

“The graduation speech we should be giving to parents,” written by columnist and author Mary Laura Philpott for The Washington Post (May 18), lists some tips on preparing for the transition.

A few highlights:

“No matter what kind of parent you’ve been - attached, detached, tiger mom, baseball dad - the dynamic between you and your child changes now, forever. It is not shameful to be swept upside down at the prospect of this upcoming separation, even if you are also 100% sure the time is right …

“Into that teenager-sized hole in your heart, you must put something exciting for you, and you should proactively plan it now …

“Having a deliberate distraction for set blocks of time can help keep you from becoming so overwhelmed by emotion that you shut down and avoid your feelings completely.”

How I wish I would have read those words a year ago.

I know those feelings of shutdown and avoidance. I believed it was best to smile and power through, fearing that showing sadness would lead my daughter to believe that I doubted her ability to tackle this adult transition. I was concerned that she might reconsider her decision, and I didn’t want that.

So I smiled and cheered her on, spiraling into sadness when I was alone.

Family and friends who have passed this hurdle may offer guidance on making it through. It’s worth a listen. Truth is, though, parents may get a lot of advice before they hear that one nugget that resonates, that allows them to say, “I’ll be OK.”

A few weeks before our flight to LA last year, I was talking with my college roommate, a social worker whose family was experiencing a similar family change. I told her how I was handling things in my daughter’s company - with a happy face and absolutely no tears.

Her advice to me:

“These emotions are understandable. Letting them be there gives everyone permission to be just how they need to be.”

Heard. Loud and clear. I have given myself permission to show my emotions ever since.

If you have passed this hurdle in your family and know someone about to face it, please reach out and share some words of assurance and comfort.

If you’re on the listening end, I hope you hear that one thing that resonates. Because you will be OK.

Kelly Lutterschmidt

editor

Whitehall-Coplay Press

Northampton Press

Catasauqua Press