I try to clear my to-do lists frequently. Sometimes items linger. At this time of year, as the calendar moves toward summer, my lingering items often get moved to my summer to-do list.

All the while, I have this feeling of trepidation. The uncertainty of my medical condition, which I am still enduring various tests to diagnose, has left me not only fatigued, but less certain about my future.

It doesn’t help that on my birth father’s side, all three of his sisters preceded him in death. I know that doesn’t mean too much, since I get DNA from both my birth parents. Still, it’s one more little source of concern.

Recently I have had to cut back, just a little, on both my jobs. Not a lot, but enough to make me feel a little weird about it.

I am also pushing at my sons to do a bit more around the house. That is definitely a work in progress. My older son tends to do more when he is not directly asked to do things. And James would rather play on his tablet than do chores. But we are making slow progress.

I am aware that losing my adoptive mother in the middle of this mess certainly contributes to my concerns. It’s made me fret more about my own mortality.

Something I have become very tired of is being called “Lainie” by staff at doctors’ offices. The “a” in Lani is soft. Like the musical note La. One reason I like “Mama” is it uses the same soft a. I had been letting the mispronunciations lie, and found it just made me more stressed.

One thing that oddly helps is a motto I kept from a school I worked at many years ago: “Celebrate Success.” Even if the successes are small. I have a second column, the School News, weekly now. I have managed to get my sorry self to my day job every day. And I got a video of James jumping into the pool at his swimming lesson without holding an instructor’s hand. That was a success for both of us!

Another thing is just focusing on now. What can I do in this moment? It is helpful, but I find it is taking me longer to get ready to go places. That makes me stressed, and it’s hard to live in the moment when you can barely think! But when I manage it, I am reminded that there are always wonderful moments in every day.

Eventually I will get to the outlying items on my to do list. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe I will just enjoy life a little more.