Q: My son is having trouble adjusting to kindergarten. He did fine in pre-school where he had a lot of friends. Since he began kindergarten with new kids, he says he is being picked on. How can I help him adjust?

Starting kindergarten is a big change for children and some may struggle to adjust, the Family Project panel said.

“This is a transition for him. He is going from a place of comfort to a place of uncertainty and it triggers his fight or freeze response. He is not feeling comforted,” said panelist Mike Daniels.

“The first step is to get more information. Set up a meeting with his kindergarten teacher,” said panelist Chad Stefanyak.

Panelist Denise Continenza agreed: “You need concrete information from his teacher. Ask him, ‘When do feel picked on?’”

“No matter what the teacher says, remember this is the child’s perception. It’s not wrong. It’s his experience,” Daniels added.

“Every child goes through a similar phase when they start a new school year, especially when they start in a new school with new friends. It is normal, but you need to make sure you encourage him so he can build up self-confidence and trust that everything is going to be well,” said panelist Wanda M. Arroyo.

“Does he know any of the kids in his classroom. If he does, you could try to set up playdates with that child,” suggested panelist Pam Wallace.

“I’m assuming his neighbors attend the same school. Maybe they can play in the neighborhood and get to know each other. Invite some of them over to your house so they can play in a different setting and get to know each other,” Arroyo added.

“Kindergarten is more structured than pre-school. There are more rules and some of the comfort goes away. Plus, a child is not as verbal at this age and able to express his feelings,” Daniels said.

“There is too much unknown. Kindergarten is slowly introducing academics, and maybe he feels uneasy, that he’s not so good at this and having a tough time,” added Stefanyak.

“Say to him, ‘It seems like you’re feeling this way. Let’s go have ice cream and talk about it.’ Find something to acknowledge and agree. Find something positive,” Daniels said.

“There are a lot of changes happening and some kids just don’t transition well,” Continenza noted.

“It’s important that you as parents recognize he may have a need to be introduced to new things slowly,” Daniels said.

If the problem continues, Arroyo suggested talking with a counselor, “so he can be well-adjusted for the rest of the school year.”

This week’s panel: Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist; Pam Wallace, child welfare community advocate, and Wanda M. Arroyo, former teacher and school administrator.

Have a question? Email: jhines@cscinc.org

The Family Project is provided by Community Services for Children’s Project Child.

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