Q: My seven-year-old son has a hard time when he gets frustrated. Sometimes he will cry, throw or break things, and sulks when I try to talk to him. How can I help him?

Learning to handle frustration is a stage of development, said the “Family Project” panel.

“There is a whole world of language. Teach him to identify what he’s been feeling and express his feelings,” said panelist Chad Stefanyak.

“Children learn where they have power in life and he has learned there is power in smashing things. You need to curb his behavior before it escalates. We all operate at a baseline and when we get upset, we go up the curve,” said panelist Mike Daniels.

“Start by saying, ‘I know you were feeling really frustrated and angry, but it’s not OK to smash things,’” said panelist Denise Continenza.

Discuss what happened after he has calmed down, the panelists agreed.

“When he is not breaking things, say, ‘You were really upset. Is there something we could have done better?” Stefanyak said.

“Acknowledge ‘You were so frustrated,’ and then praise him when he behaves well. We learn from mistakes. Give him constructive feedback when he does something positive. Say, ‘You handled that really well. Let’s talk about how to be able to manage things,’” said Daniels.

Daniel suggested teaching him to do deep-breathing exercises.

“When we are upset, closing our eyes and focusing on breathing reconnects our brains and bodies,” Daniels said.

“If he refuses help, sits and sulks, there might be a level of embarrassment that he wasn’t able to control himself. You might have to build him back up,” noted Stefanyak.

“There will be a lot of pent-up energy from being frustrated. You might take him away from the situation. Take him outside. Let him calm down and come back inside to talk about it,” added panelist Pam Wallace.

“After he has exploded, try to let him deescalate on his terms. Maybe sulking is part of that. Say, ‘I see you need time and I will come back in 10 minutes,’” said Daniels.

“Seven-year-olds go through stages. Be patient and observant. Watch for him expressing anger and frustration on pets, and maybe on friends. Ask his teacher about his behavior at school. If he’s showing the same behavior in the classroom, talk to the counselor,” said panelist Wanda M. Arroyo.

“Sometimes, students get frustrated because they are not understanding the material being covered at school or they can’t do something they have been asked to do. Maybe there’s some cognitive problems that only a counselor or expert can determine,” Arroyo added.

This week’s panel: Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist; Pam Wallace, child welfare community advocate, and Wanda M. Arroyo, former teacher and school administrator.

Have a question? Email: jhines@cscinc.org

The Family Project is provided by Community Services for Children’s Project Child.

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