Q: What do I say to my six-year-old son who was not invited to a birthday party and now says everyone is mean to him?

“This is a really good opportunity to talk to the child about his feelings. He is feeling hurt. Ask him ‘How do you feel?’ Help him learn how to make himself feel better,” said panelist Mike Daniels.

“Acknowledge his feelings. Say, ‘You sound disappointed.’ Help him realize it’s not the end of the world and that there are other options. This is an opportunity to help him develop coping skills,” agreed panelist Denise Continenza.

“Sometimes, it is just a logistics thing. There may be family members that have to be invited first. It might not be possible for the family to have a big party and they just can’t invite everyone. Many kids are on teams and it’s hard to invite the whole team,” said panelist Chad Stefanyak.

Continenza agreed you should explain to your son that many parents have to limit how many children they can invite to a birthday party for various reasons from financial to space constraints.

“Offer an alternative for that day,” Continenza suggested.

Suggest your son invite another friend to go out and do something fun on the day of the party, said Daniels.

“If hanging out with these kids is making your son feel hurt, maybe it is better that he wasn’t invited. Maybe you can have a ‘Life is not fair’ party and celebrate not being invited,” Daniels added.

Be aware if your child being excluded becomes a pattern, the panelists said.

“If it does happen a few times, he may need to start exploring other options for friends,” Continenza said.

“This may be an opportunity to discuss if he is hanging out with the wrong kids. Talk about what kind of things he likes to do and if his friends like the same things. It also might be a bullying issue, if he is consistently not being invited,” Daniels said.

You can make it a life lesson and talk about what would happen if he could only invite one or two friends to his party and how would he do it without hurting others’ feelings, Daniels added.

This week’s panel: Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist; Teri Haddad, Community Services for Children’s vice president community initiatives & advancement; Kaitlyn Kelly, Community Services for Children’s assistant director of school readiness.

Have a question? Email: jhines@cscinc.org

The Family Project is provided by Community Services for Children’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.