Q: I am raising my grandchild and worried that I am too old for this job. I also worry that my rules are too “old-school” for today’s generation.

Have faith in your abilities and know that you are not alone, the “Family Project” panel said.

“Grandparents raising grandchildren is nothing new,” said panel member Chad Stefanyak.

Grandparents as primary caregivers for children has increased in frequency in recent years, said panel member Denise Continenza.

According to Penn State Extension statistics, one in 10 grandparents has been the primary support of a grandchild at some time in their lives. Nationally, 5.5 million children are living in households headed by grandparents and other relatives. Pennsylvania ranks seventh among states in terms of number of children living in grandparent-headed households. Approximately 89,000 grandparents are responsible for their grandchildren in the state and 33 percent of them provide care without having the children’s parents present in the home.

“A lot of families need backup support and in many families, grandparents are much more involved and almost a primary caregiver, if not the primary caregiver,” Continenza said.

“You are not too old and your values are not old-school. Tell the children ‘this is what I believe in’ and ‘this is what a good person does,’” Stefanyak said.

Continenza noted you shouldn’t be worried, since grandparents bring a lot of life experience to the table and you have probably been involved in your grandchildren’s lives before this.

“It can be daunting to grandparents to find themselves in this position, but there is a lot more information out there today to help,” Continenza said.

Continenza said. that society has changed and social media has become very influential, so grandparents need to be willing to learning about technology.

Be open to styles of parenting that are different, such as discipline, said Stefanyak.

“Consequences have changed. What is appropriate and acceptable now is different. Ask the child what he thinks consequences should be when he misbehaves. Kids tend to be harsher on themselves than you would be. Asking a child also increases buy-in,” Stefanyak said.

“Kids will tell you you’re too strict and argue all their friends can do things they can’t. Don’t fall prey to that.” Continenza said.

“The child will respect you if you are clear about what are fair rules,” Stefanyak said.

Stefanyak said it’s important to talk to the child’s parents, if possible.

“All the adults need to be on the same page. It’s important to have that conversation to establish consistency,” Stefanyak said.

Penn State Extension has information on webinars, articles and workshops on “kinship care,” which is when grandparents or other relatives are raising children:

extension.psu.edu/youth-family-and-health

Find a support group for grandparents who are caregivers by contacting Lehigh County Area Agency on Aging at 610-782-3034 and Northampton County Area Agency on Aging at 610-829-4540.

This week’s panel: Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Teri Haddad, Community Services for Children’s vice president community initiatives & advancement; Kaitlyn Kelly, Community Services for Children’s assistant director of school readiness; Jasmine Hines, Community Services for Children’s administrative coordinator advancement.

Have a question? Email: jhines@cscinc.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Community Services for Children’s Project Child.

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