Editor’s Note: After a hiatus, the “Family Project” resumes twice per month on the Lifestyle page of the Focus section in Lehigh Valley Press.

Q: I just found out that my daughter’s kindergarten teacher passed away. My daughter was very fond of her teacher. How do I explain this to my daughter and help her through it?

Keep the lines of communication open and let your daughter lead the conversation, recommended the Family Project panel.

“Grief is such an abstract concept and at this age, and kids’ minds are so concrete. Understanding that her teacher is not coming back will be a difficult concept for her to grasp,” said panelist Denise Continenza.

“You should be the one to break the news to your child,” said panelist Chad Stefanyak.

“You know your child the best,” agreed Continenza.

Continenza recommended you talk to your daughter according to your family’s personal values surrounding death.

“Children let us know what they want to know. Let her lead the discussion and answer her questions. This is the first lesson about the life cycle,” added Continenza.

She might be afraid other loves ones might go away, said panelist Teri Haddad.

“This is a traumatic thing for her. Ask her, ‘How are you feeling?’ And start a conversation by saying, ‘You look sad,’” said Haddad.

“You might not get the sit-down talk you’re hoping for. She may talk for a few seconds and then run to play. Encourage her to go to a memorial service. Other things that are good for this age are writing a letter, making a card or sharing favorite memories,” said Stefanyak.

Stefanyak said these activities could be classroom-wide and suggested you contact the school guidance counselor.

“Many children become fearful of going to school. She might get angry and act out. But you need to say, ‘It’s OK to be angry, but you can’t hit your brother,’” Continenza said.

Stefanyak added every child’s response is different but you will notice a major change in behavior. “She may become more clingy,” added Stefanyak.

“Be patient. It may take a long time. Just keep lines of communication open and if it persists, seek professional help,” Continenza said.

“There are so many good books for this age group to help with loss,” Stefanyak suggested.

Continenza recommended “The Tenth Good Thing About Barney” by Judith Viorst, the author of “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.”

Other good resources are “The Invisible String” by Patrice Karst and “The Heart and the Bottle” by Oliver Jeffers.

This week’s panel: Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Teri Haddad, Community Services for Children’s vice president community initiatives & advancement; Kaitlyn Kelly, Community Services for Children’s assistant director of school readiness, and Jasmine Hines, Community Services for Children’s administrative coordinator advancement.

Have a question? Email: jhines@cscinc.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Community Services for Children’s Project Child.

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