Q: My brother’s daughter is 12. When we visit, he always insists she get out her guitar to play and sing. My brother keeps telling her that she is going to be a star, but she is not that good. However, she is starting to believe him and gets upset, as does my brother, when we try to say we don’t want to listen. What can I do? I don’t want to be “entertained” by a child who I believe is being set up for failure.

There are two issues here: trying to push a child to be something she’s not and not respecting others in a social gathering, the Family Project panel agreed.

“Instilling confidence is a good thing but parents can overdo it. Have a conversation in private with your brother,” said panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo.

“If you have children of your own, explain how they are not good at everything they do and while you want to encourage them, you don’t want to foster false expectations. There’s nothing wrong with being honest,” Mercado-Arroyo said.

He also may be making his daughter uncomfortable because he is putting her on the spot when he makes her perform, Mercado-Arroyo added.

“There is something really show-offy about having your child perform and forcing your relatives to look at your child,” said panelist Pam Wallace.

“I see adults who do this all the time. It’s the same as making people watch slides of your last vacation,” said panelist Chad Stefanyak.

“It feels like bragging and it isn’t much fun for your guests. Your brother needs to learn to read the room and pick up on social cues that people are not enjoying his daughter’s performance,” Stefanyak said.

“Why don’t you suggest at your next family gathering, when he wants his daughter to perform, that you do something different, like playing a game everyone enjoys,” said Mercado-Arroyo.

Maybe you could all sing together, and your brother’s daughter could accompany on her guitar to make it more of an inclusive experience, recommended Mercado-Arroyo.

“Doing something that has more social interaction would be more beneficial for everyone,” agreed Stefanyak.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor, and Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, former teacher and administrator.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc. and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.