The Family Project: House rules in place for 15-year-old
BY KATHY LAUER-WILLIAMS
Special to The Press
Q: I am 15-years-old and my parents still treat me like a child. They have to meet all my friends and their parents before I can go anywhere with them, and I have an earlier curfew than anyone I know. Every time I try to talk to them, they just say these are their rules and this is their house.
This kind of struggle between parents and children is nothing new, the Family Project panel agrees.
“It is completely normal for someone your age to argue with your parents over these things. You want independence and your parents recognize that they need to be responsible for you and make sure you do the right things. It is an unequal power structure. You should invite your parents out for ice cream to talk about it,” said panelist Chad Stefanyak.
Your parents do have the right to make the rules since it is their house, said panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo.
“Once you are 18, you can emancipate yourself and pay for everything yourself. But while you live under your parents’ support, you have to follow their rules. You need to have a conversation. You and your parents need to respect each other,” Mercado-Arroyo said.
The panel suggested you talk to your school counselor or pastor and include your parents.
“You need to see if everyone is on the same page. This is a stressor in your relationship with you parents. They may need to an extra effort,” Mercado-Arroyo said.
“Timing is very important. Talk to your parents at a neutral time. Tell them you are getting older and ask them when they think it is a fair time for you to get more freedoms. Put the ball in their court,” Stefanyak said.
“There is nothing wrong with your parents wanting to meet your friends. Start slowly and maybe ask for a small extension on your curfew,” said panelist Pamela Wallace.
“They may need to consider each case individually. Meeting your friend may be all they need. It isn’t easy for parents to be flexible if they don’t know your friends. It’s normal for parents to want to protect their child,” said Mercado-Arroyo.
The panel agreed it can make a difference if you are a good student with good behavior.
“You can’t be rude. If you want to stay out later, your parents need to trust you,” Mercado-Arroyo said.
“The more they feel they feel they can trust you, the more flexible they will be,” agreed Wallace.
This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor, and Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, former teacher and administrator.
Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org
The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.
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