Q: My college freshman is spending way too much money on eating out. I worked all through college, but it was hard and I wanted him to be able to focus on academics and not have to work. But now I feel he doesn’t treat money with respect. Do other parents put their students on a budget?

There is nothing wrong with giving your son money for college, but you need to teach him responsibility about that money, the Family Project panel agreed.

“Parents have given children entitlement that they will pay for things. Children need better understanding of how parents will help them. They have to learn how to manage money. This student has too much entitlement in his world,” said panelist Joanne Raftas.

You need to have a conversation about money with your son, the panelists added.

“At this point, he is almost through his first year. Summer is a great time to have that conversation,” said panelist Mike Daniels.

“The parents have given a lot and this child has learned he is going to get things. You have to think about what you are willing to pay for and let him know,” Raftas said.

“Developmentally, a 19-year-old still lives in the ‘here and now,’” Daniels said.

“Some parents put their students on a budget. But that is less successful than creating a budget with your student. Have a conversation about not wasting money,” Daniel added.

“This is not a judgment call on giving a child too much money. But they can’t have carte blanche. Part of teaching a child how to live in this world is teaching them the financial aspect,” Raftas said.

Make sure everyone is relaxed when you have that conversation, the panelists suggested.

“As a parent, our job is to teach and teaching doesn’t happen in moments of stress. You are going from being the executive director to being the advisor,” Daniels said.

“When you sit down to create the budget, make sure you include money for entertainment and fun. We all need that,” said Daniels.

“And when you talk about a budget, that opens up conversations on other independent living skills such as buying groceries and cooking,” Daniels said.

“It’s a growing experience for everyone. This is a huge change in the family and you need a little bit of guidance,” said Raftas.

“This is your first experience with your child not being at home. But you created this situation as much as he did,” Raftas said.

“Be patient. There are no instructions on setting children free,” Daniels added.

This week’s panel: Joanne T. Raftas, registered play therapist and counselor, and Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

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