Q: My 16-year-old daughter was very upset last night about some ugly things being said on a social media post. This is so different from when I grew up. I want to help but don’t even know where to start. How does a parent keep up with all of this?

Parents are digital immigrants and children are digital natives, the Family Project panel agreed.

“However, parents have more digital skills than they think,” said panelist Mike Daniels.

There are tools to block websites and you could take away her phone, but this is not recommended, said panelist Tony Pangio.

“You need to trust communication and have confidence your daughter can protect herself,” Pangio said.

“Tell her if something makes her uncomfortable lets talk about It. Children just want an honest opinion and advice on how to handle it. A lot of kids don’t see the long-range repercussions. If they post a picture, it’s out there and they are not in control anymore,” said panelist Chad Stefanyak.

“You have spent 16 years teaching your daughter values. Now how does she apply that to the experience of being bullied?” asked Daniels.

“There is a parental instinct to protect a child. That helps in the short run but not in the long run. Say ‘I can see you’re upset. What can I do to help?’ Set some boundaries and provide support to the child,” said panelist Denise Continenza.

“Documentation is key. Learn to take screenshots and print out email. If you need to provide documentation you have it. Be honest with her. Look at photos and have conversation. Be involved and be concerned,” said Pangio.

“Kids tend to be fascinated by things like this, even if they are hurt by it. Remain present and look for isolating behaviors,” Daniels said.

“While she is under your roof, you decide what the boundaries are. You need to have control of everything,” added panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo.

Panelist tips included not sharing any information you wouldn’t share with a stranger at the mall and having the computer in an open area where a parent can see what is going on.

“Make sure you are modeling good behavior. A lot of parents don’t even put their own phone down,” said panelist Joanne Raftas.

“Share stories of you being resilient through problems while keeping the focus on them,” Continenza said.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Tony Pangio, instructional tech coach; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Joanne T. Raftas, registered play therapist and counselor; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, former teacher and school administrator, and Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

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