Dear Jacquelyn,

One of my closest friends will be getting married next year and she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I haven’t committed yet because I am concerned all the expenses that go into being a bridesmaid will put a big strain on my budget. I don’t want the stress of overspending to put a strain on our friendship. How can I avoid going broke as a bridesmaid?

Dear Reader,

Being a bridesmaid is a special experience, and, increasingly, a costly one. Costs generally include clothing, hair and makeup, bachelorette party, and gifts for the shower and wedding. It’s easy to rationalize overspending for this important event. The reality is that the expenses add up.

Consider having a heart-to-heart talk with your friend before you commit. Expressing your gratitude for the inclusion is the first and best reaction

Before you say, ‘Yes,’ have an honest conversation about exactly what your role will entail and what costs you can expect.

You might say something like, “I’m so happy for you and I’m thrilled you asked me. I’d love to hear more details about the wedding plans before I give you a definitive answer.”

Very few people have the luxury of an unlimited budget. It is a reality of life, so don’t feel ashamed to make sure you can afford to participate. If your friend has asked you to be a part of the ceremony, they love you and will understand your concerns and final decision.

Be prepared to make choices. Let her know in advance what you can afford. You may have to pass on some events in order to be there for the most important ones.

It’s important to be there for your friend, but it is also essential to watch your bottom line. Your friendship will last longer when you are not bitter about taking a financial hit.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training. She is on the board of directors of the National Civility Foundation.

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