Q: How do I talk to my 11- and 13-year-old sons about not doing things that are bad for them? I am afraid that if I mention things like drinking or vaping, I will put ideas in their heads. Do I talk about these things, or should I leave well enough alone?

You should definitely talk to your sons about anything about which you are concerned, recommended The Family Project panel.

“Talking about things does not put ideas into a child’s head. Rather it gives them permission to talk to you about it. If this is your first time bringing up drugs and alcohol with them, that’s unfortunate,” said panelist Mike Daniels.

“They already know about this stuff,” agreed panelist Pam Wallace.

“If you don’t talk about these things from the proper perspective, someone else will talk about it with them from the wrong perspective,” added panelist Denise Continenza.

The panel agreed that your sons likely are seeing things about these topics on television, in movies and from the news and that can be a perfect lead-in for a discussion.

“Don’t demonize kids because they know more than we think they know. It all about communication. It’s not out of bounds to use examples from your own childhood that were risky. We need to use our kids’ language,” Daniels said.

“Just talk about what you see on TV. Explain how horrible you would feel if something like that ever happened and say, ‘Maybe should talk about it,’” suggested panelist Joanne Raftas.

There are too many dumb things in which a child can get involved to discuss them all, so it is important to keep the communication open, said panelist Chad Stefanyak.

“At this age, kids’ brain are not yet fully developed and they think they are invincible,” Raftas added.

“Tell them they are going to be faced with decisions and you won’t be there. They will have to make decisions based on your family values. Give them the power,” Raftas said.

“Teach them that if they get in a situation, to slow down, take three seconds and ask themselves ‘is this smart?’” Stefanyak said,

“Make them aware of the consequences to help them make better choices. Say, ‘Always text me and ask me questions.’ You need to be available,” Raftas added.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Joanne T. Raftas, registered play therapist and counselor, and Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.