Q: My question is about setting boundaries for our 20-month-old son. Tonight, he started crying because he wanted to eat dinner while playing. I tried to get him to sit at the table and eat, but he just kept sobbing hysterically. Finally, I gave up and let him do what he wanted. Am I creating a bad pattern?

Letting your toddler do what he wants despite the family rules, will definitely create a bad pattern, the Family Project panel agreed.

“When you allow him to make his own rules, you are creating a pattern that next time he will cry more to get his way. What you are doing is teaching him to manipulate you,” said panelist Joanne Raftas.

“He is old enough to express frustration, but the parent has to tough through it and establish boundaries. Teaching him that mealtime is not playtime is really important,” agreed panelist Mike Daniels.

“It’s not goof to let toddlers get what they want. If the rule is ‘Everyone eats meals at the table,’ don’t let him change the rules because he is crying,” added Raftas.

Panelist Denise Continenza asked how long the parent expects the boy to sit quietly at the table.

“Maybe you could try slowly increasing your expectations of how much time he has to sit at the table. But giving in to his tantrum won’t teach him the family routine,” Continenza said.

Raftas wondered how the parent handles other rules and boundaries in the home.

“If you give in on this, he is going to be crying for whatever he wants. It’s not a discussion. He has to eat at the table. Maybe you could let him bring a small toy to the table with him,” Raftas said.

What are the expectations, asked panelist Chad Stefanyak.

“At 20 months, he might not yet be in the habit of regular meals and his body might not be conditioned to sit down and eat dinner. Differentiate between food that are snacks and ‘eat-at-the table’ foods. He can eat snacks like veggie sticks while he plays and you can get some nutrition in him,” Stefanyak said.

Raftas suggested giving him the option not to eat.

“It’s OK if he doesn’t want to eat, but he can’t take the food with him to play. You have to hold the line. Parents create the rules,” Raftas said.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Joanne T. Raftas, registered play therapist and counselor, and Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.