Q: Our 10-year-old dog was recently diagnosed with cancer. Our eight-year-old son is very close to the dog. How do we tell him that his dog is dying? When the time comes, I think we should make sure our son isn’t around, and then get another dog as soon as possible. My wife doesn’t agree.

Don’t hide this from your son, The Family Project panel recommended.

“Death is a part of life. At one time, families used to have funerals right in the home. You can’t protect children from their feelings. If something happened to a relative, you wouldn’t do this,” said panelist JoAnne Raftas.

“Kids usually know when pets aren’t feeling well. I’m a big fan of answering questions as kids have them,” agreed panelist Mike Daniels.

“Honesty is the best policy. This is a chance to talk to your son about his feelings. Let him know you will help your pet be as comfortable as possible,” Raftas said.

“If you run out and get a new dog it won’t give him ample time to grieve. And it sends a message that everything is replaceable,” added panelist Denise Continenza.

Continenza recommended getting “The Tenth Good thing about Barney,” a children’s book by Judith Viorst about a boy whose pet cat dies.

“Don’t try to pass over grief. The message you send is the loss wasn’t important. And that’s not a message you want to convey. You want to acknowledge your son’s emotional state,” Raftas said.

“Keep the child in the know as much as his age can handle. Otherwise, it will be more of a shock when the dog dies,” added panelist Pam Wallace.

“Use this to model what families do when someone passes away,” suggested panelist Chad Stefanyak, adding, “Have a memorial service for the dog. Put the dog’s ashes in an urn.”

“It is all part of the grieving process. He will let you know when he is ready for a new pet,” Daniels said.

If you have to have the dog put to sleep, let him participate if he is comfortable, the panelists recommended.

“If he wants to be there, let him stay as long as he can. It would be nice if it could be done at home,” Continenza said.

“Let it up to him what he wants to be a part of. Saying at the door as you take the dog to the vet’s may be harder,” Raftas agreed.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Joanne T. Raftas, registered play therapist and counselor, and Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.