“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Do you believe that famous old children’s rhyme? I don’t. Personally, I think healing from physical wounds is much easier than trying to recover from verbal attacks, which can break our hearts and linger in our minds years later. And in these days of so much hateful speech, it is hard to escape the insults and cruelty. Often, it seems words are being used as weapons - weapons to inflict damage on minds rather than on bodies.

Even unspoken messages can be hurtful and intimidating. Just look around at all the yard signs popping up, many using vulgar or malicious words to denigrate others’ points of view. Often two homes next door to each other display signs with wildly opposing, taunting slogans. The neighborhood looks like a silent battlefield.

Whatever happened to open, honest dialogue? Why can’t people discuss their differences and disagree in a civil manner?

Society is polarized. Instead of debating the many complex problems facing our nation and the world and opening ourselves to hearing ideas radically different from our own, many people can see only black or white. “You are either with me or against me” seems to be the prevailing attitude. Is there no longer a middle ground? Can’t I agree with you on some issues and disagree on others?

Just as I believe we never learn anything new by talking, only by listening, I also think problems cannot be solved, ever, if we expose ourselves only to viewpoints that are similar to and reinforce our own. We need to hear new ideas, especially those that question or contradict our beliefs.

We have to be challenged to think. We might learn something. But many folks are reluctant to engage in meaningful conversation with those whose ideas are considered too different. People would rather name-call or erect yard signs, insulting those who don’t share the same world view.

How do we mend these divisions? How do we come to see value in an opposite point of view?

I don’t claim to have an easy answer, but it seems to me communications need to be less mean and violent. Can we discuss our observations and opinions without resorting to judgment, humiliation or criticism? Can we be less defensive about our own positions? Can we be less intolerant?

If we strive to do no harm to anyone (my daily prayer), we will choose our words more carefully and alienate our listeners less often. Our message will be lost if our words create resistance and defensiveness in our audience.

It has been said the pen is mightier than the sword - I agree. Words have the ability to cut through our heart and soul and create permanent scars.

I still remember my grandmother telling us kids if we can’t say anything nice about someone, then we shouldn’t say anything at all - good advice 60 years ago and even better today.

Our words and thoughts give us great power. We can bestow kind words on someone and uplift his or her spirits, or we can choose destructive, oppressive words that have the power to deeply hurt, sometimes forever.

Maybe I’m a dreamer, but I truly believe we can change the world.

But first, we have to change our words.