Q: My seven-year old child talks all the time. Once he starts talking, it is very hard for anyone else to contribute to the conversation. If we try to interrupt, he over-talks us. I value what he wants to say, and I don’t want to discourage him, but I want him to listen as well as talk.

The Family Project panel agree this is a behavior that probably has been going on for a while.

“It’s a habit that’s been fed. He has gone through the ‘explore and wonder’ stages and accumulated all this information. Now he’s spewing it back,” said panelist Mike Daniels.

“This is a shiny new toy for this child and it is getting him adult attention,” added panelist Chad Stefanyak.

Daniels said the attention is reinforcing the behavior.

“He thinks, ‘Everyone likes this and I should keep on doing it.’ He seems to like talking and is getting a lot of attention. It shouldn’t become an area of conflict,” Daniels said.

“However, letting him go on nonstop is not good. He needs to learn boundaries,” said panelist Joanne Raftas.

Panelists recommended that you avoid negative comments like “You never stop talking” because they make the child feel bad about himself and affect his self-image.

Daniels suggested having a conversation with the child that includes both parents.

“Acknowledge his vocabulary and that you like to hear what he has to say. Then ask him how it feels to be constantly talking,” Daniels said.

Raftas suggested categorizing what he is talking about and asked if he is making up stories.

“He needs to learn to listen. Listening is a great skill to have. Conversations need both talking and listening. Suggest he ask you questions so you can talk,” Raftas said.

“At this age, children are very familiar with the concept of taking turns. Explain that he needs to take turns in conversations and hear everyone’s ideas,” Stefanyak said.

The panelists recommended talking to his teacher to find out how he behaves in conversations at school.

“Does he overrun everyone’s conversation at school?” Daniels asked.

“Maybe he is quiet at school. That could be a reason why he talks so much at home,” said Raftas.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Joanne T. Raftas, registered play therapist and counselor, and Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

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