Q: My son is six and has always been cuddly and touchy. My daughter is two and is not. We are trying to teach him consent and asking permission before giving hugs and kisses, but his sister sometimes thinks of it as a game and says, “No,” leaving him feeling rejected and unloved. How do I balance the need for consent and avoid the feeling of rejection?

Every child has a different need for physical affection and needs to recognize that other children feel differently than he or she does, the Family Project panel recommended.

“Have a conversation with your son to help him to understand that not everyone feels the same way about hugs. Tell him it’s OK if his sister says, ‘No.’ Talk to him about boundaries and reinforce that it’s a good thing his sister knows doesn’t want to be hugged,” suggested Joanne Raftas.

Panelist Denise Continenza wondered how your daughter is with hugging other people, and added you need to teach your son about personal space.

“It sounds like she likes the power in saying ‘No.’ And you want her to be able to say ‘No.’ It’s not good for him to be going around hugging, especially with COVID-19. Talk to him about being respectful of each other,” Raftas said.

“You can show that hugging mom and dad is OK, but you can’t force it on her. Your son has learned to enjoy hugging, but your daughter hasn’t learned hugging is as exciting,” said panelist Mike Daniels.

Daniels and panelist Chad Stefanyak agreed that your son’s enthusiasm might be too intense for your daughter.

“Her rejecting his hug might not be personal. It might just be overwhelming for a two-year-old,” Stefanyak said.

“The two-year-old could be very sensory and it could be scary for her to be hugged like that,” Daniels added.

“It seems the boy has a strong need for physical connection. It is a personality thing and it is the nature of children that there are difference in personalities,” Raftas said.

“Talk to him about other ways to express affection and show connection such as a secret handshake,” suggested Stefanyak.

“In a lot of schools, kids aren’t allowed to touch, so this is a good conversation to have,” Raftas said.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Erin Stalsitz, Lehigh Children & Youth; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Joanne T. Raftas, registered play therapist, and counselor and Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.