Q: My 4-year-old suddenly does not like his grandma. They have always had a good relationship and then one day he told me, “I don’t like her.” It makes me sad and I know it hurts her, too. What can I do?

You need to get to the bottom of what happened between your son and his grandmother, the Family Project panel said.

“As the parent you need to explore ‘Why did this happen?’ Have an open-ended conversation with your son,” said panelist Erin Stalsitz.

“Something happened. If they had a good relationship, then something changed. I wouldn’t feel comfortable leaving this child with his grandma with this problem unresolved,” panelist Joanne Raftas said.

The child’s safety is the most important, agreed the panelists.

“To me, this is a ‘red flag’,” added Raftas.

“Were they alone together before this happened? Somehow, grandma disappointed him. It could be anything from she said ‘No’ to something, to abuse. At 4, a child can have very inappropriate things happen and not show any signs. It might be nothing, but it is imperative you need to figure it out,” Raftas said.

“How long has this been going on?” wondered panelist Chad Stefanyak.

The panel suggested you talk to the boy’s grandmother, but be cautious.

“Throw out scenarios when you talk to grandma to try to pinpoint what happened. State observations you’ve made. Maybe it is something grandma does consistently,” said Daniels.

Get input from other family members, the panel said.

“Talk to your son’s other grandma to see if she noticed anything. Also, talk to any of his siblings or cousins who have had contact with this grandparent,” said Stalsitz.

“Carefully watch your son’s physical reaction around his grandmother. Does he seem afraid?” asked panelist Pamela Wallace.

“This situation may be painful for both you and the boy’s grandma, but the most important thing is getting to the bottom of it,” Daniels said.

However, the panel recommended you not leave your son alone with his grandmother until this is figured out.

“Be patient. It’s not going to happen overnight. It will take time,” said Stalsitz.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist; Joanne T. Raftas, registered play therapist and counselor, and Erin Stalsitz, Lehigh Children & Youth.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.