Q: I was doing my 15-year-old son’s laundry and found a vape pen in a sweatshirt pocket. I’ve never seen him use it or heard him talk about it. What should I do?

First of all, stay calm, said the Family Project panel.

“You have to address it, but make sure you’re in a good place. Don’t be accusatory. Say, ‘There’s something I want to talk about.’ And make sure it comes from a place of concern. Let him talk, but you come armed with information,” said panelist Denise Continenza.

However, be aware: giving him facts may not be effective right now, said panelist Mike Daniels.

“I’m a big fan of taking a kid out of the house to talk about things. He is already agitated and worried. He knows either you have his vape or he is freaking out because he thinks he lost it,” Daniels said.

Daniels also wondered if both parents are involved in talking to the boy.

“Whichever parent is more connected to the son should be having the conversation,” Daniels said.

Continenza said that in Pennsylvania it is a crime for anyone under age 18 to have any type of e-cigarette or delivery device such as a vape pen in his or her possession.

“He may be worried about getting in trouble,” Continenza said.

There is a good chance that he will say it isn’t his, but belongs to a friend, said panelist Chad Stefanyak.

“Don’t argue, just say you want to hear his thoughts on vaping. Make it a discussion rather than a lecture. Giving him a lecture risks just making him better at being deceitful,” Stefanyak said.

Also, inform him you’re keeping the pen and he will have to explain to his friend what happened, Daniels said.

“One good technique is to talk for seven seconds, then take a break for four seconds to keep calm. Lay out the information and listen to what he has to say,” Daniels said.

Explain to him that many vape products contain nicotine, which isn’t healthy. But even vaping nicotine-free flavors is not good for his lungs, Stefanyak said.

“Try not to bombard him with questions. Questions imply a demand for answers, especially among teenagers. It is important to not blow it into something it isn’t. Stick to peaceful rational statements of fact and get his reaction,” Daniels said.

Just remember to not get upset. You don’t want to ruin your relationship over this, Continenza said.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor, and Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.