Dear Jacquelyn,

I recently helped a friend and she paid me for the work. A week later I received a gift, a necklace, as an additional thank-you for helping out. I felt that getting paid was more than enough compensation for my effort. I’m wondering: Do I need to send a thank-you note for the thank-you gift?

Dear Reader,

I understand the dilemma: Thanking a thank-you can get tricky.

Theoretically, you could end up caught in a never-ending circle of “Thank-yous.”

It’s a common scenario to get caught off-guard by an unexpected gift.

Whatever the case, the way you react matters. Choose to honor the kind gesture in a way that you feel most comfortable with.

In this specific situation, you were already compensated and a phone call letting the person know how much you appreciate the thoughtful gesture is all that’s necessary. I’m sure he or she will appreciate hearing from you. And it’s always polite to acknowledge a gift received.

If you feel so inclined, you can send a handwritten thank-you note.

However, you may find yourself sending thank-you notes back and forth for a very long time, to the point of ridiculous. Lastly, always try to avoid falling into the mistake of buying a thank-you gift for the thank-you gift for the thank-you gift.

Thanking a thank-you can get awkward and complicated really quickly. In general, when you receive a gift or someone extends a gesture that is above-and-beyond the call of duty, a thank-you for their thoughtfulness is an appropriate effort.

The bottom line is: Always acknowledge a thank-you gift either by a phone call or handwritten note.

The worst thing that will happen is you will be considered “too polite.” And that’s not a bad thing.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training. She is on the board of directors of the National Civility Foundation.

All Rights Reserved &Copy; 2021 Jacquelyn Youst