Dear Jacquelyn,

My good friend borrowed a favorite dress of mine a while back and she hasn’t returned it. I was happy to lend it to her but would really like my dress returned. How do you politely ask someone, especially a good friend, to return something that you let her borrow?

Dear Reader,

This happens to most of us. We kindly lend an item to someone, trusting he or she will return it as soon as possible. Time goes by and we let it slide, hoping the item is returned without us having to ask.

It’s an uncomfortable situation when you have to ask for the item back.

I would give your friend the benefit of the doubt. There is a chance she simply forgot about the dress. A gentle reminder may be all it takes. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to come right out and ask for the dress back.

Be up front and let her know you were happy to help her out and loan her the dress but that you would like it back as soon as she is able to get it to you.

If you aren’t sure of the words, try saying in a friendly tone, “Hey, remember that dress I loaned you for that special occasion? I was so happy to loan it to you, but I would like it back for an upcoming event.” Hopefully this will motivate her to be respectful and return the dress to you.

Worst-case scenario, she ignores the request, and lesson learned. Just write it off as a loss and resolve not to lend things to this person again.

In the future, when you lend something to someone, set a time limit from the start. You can say, “Yes, you can borrow the dress, but I’ll be needing it back for an event next weekend.”

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training. She is on the board of directors of the National Civility Foundation.

All Rights Reserved &Copy; 2021 Jacquelyn Youst