Dear Jacquelyn,

I was having a conversation with my cousin and midway through I realized his story was exaggerated and contained a few lies. Not knowing what to do, I simply nodded and changed the subject. Is it better to confront someone who is outright lying, or let it slide?

Dear Reader,

Lies, whether big or small, always spark trouble. Once you hear an untruth you become either a willing or unwilling participant in the lie.

That’s not a place you or anyone else wants to find themselves in. It’s downright uncomfortable and challenges your own character. Hence the problem: Do you bring it up and try to work past it or do you gloss over it?

In the moment, you did the right thing by changing the subject. That was the least confrontational approach. Let’s take a look at alternative approaches so next time you are better prepared.

In the future, when a lie hits you straight in the ears, do your best to continue the conversation in a constructive manner by avoiding direct accusations.

If you’re extremely uncomfortable, insert humor to navigate around it. Deflecting with humor can sometimes help call out the liar’s story.

A playful comment such as “I think I just saw your nose grow a bit” acknowledges the lie and gives the impression that the other person was intentionally exaggerating, never expecting to be believed.

When the person you need to confront is someone you are close with, try your hardest to approach the conversation with compassion. You can start a dialogue by saying, “Hey, there is something I wanted to talk to you about.”

The goal should be to make the relationship better by sorting out the lie rather than turning it into an argument. Ultimately, you want to avoid crossing the line from a conversation about the lie to an all-out battle over the lie.

Sometimes the lie at hand might be so minor that confronting the person might not be in your best interest. The personal decision to confront the person should ultimately be based on the type of lie and your relationship with the liar.

It’s a hard fact to accept, but there will be times that friends lie.

Remain calm, redirect the conversation and, if possible, insert some humor.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training. She is on the board of directors of the National Civility Foundation.

All Rights Reserved &Copy; 2021 Jacquelyn Youst