Dear Jacquelyn,

I rely on a neighbor to run a few errands for me, but lately the neighbor hasn’t followed through. It would have been nice if I had known so that I could make other arrangements. I’m disappointed and I’m not sure what to make of it. Is there a way to go about asking what happened without sounding pesky?

Dear Reader,

I understand your disappointment. There’s nothing worse than waiting around for someone you rely on, only to have the person not show up with no explanation. This scenario creates a situation that we take personally.

We initially believe the person didn’t follow through because our life situation wasn’t a priority. The truth is we don’t always know what is going on with someone else’s motives. Your neighbor might not fully understand how much you rely on him or her.

Start by giving your neighbor the benefit of the doubt and avoid assumptions. When we do our best to avoid assumptions, we stop ourselves from forming resentment and hurt feelings toward the person. Consider the possibility that the errands weren’t done because there was something going on.

It’s never easy to confront sensitive issues head-on that could trigger conflict. A friendly phone call may resolve your concerns and help you understand what happened. Give your neighbor a chance to explain.

Chances are there is a logical reason for the oversight. From there, use this opportunity to arrange a back-up plan in place for the future. That safety net will ease your mind and alleviate any delays in getting the help you need in the future.

I don’t believe asking your neighbor what happened, as long as it’s done politely, is pesky. Hopefully, the lack of following through was a mere oversight. Having an alternative source for assistance is your best bet.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training. She is on the board of directors of the National Civility Foundation.

All Rights Reserved &Copy; 2021 Jacquelyn Youst