Q. I just received a phone call from my son’s girlfriend’s parents informing me that their daughter is pregnant. She and our son are both 17-years-old. My son admits that he is the father and that he loves his girlfriend, but he says he does not want to get married. The girlfriend is going to keep the baby. I don’t want to force my son into marriage, but I do want him to take responsibility. I’m at a loss as to what to do.

The first piece of advice came from panelist Pam Wallace, who urged the young couple to “be proactive in terms of taking parenting classes, going shopping together for supplies, making doctors’ appointments and educating themselves on what the child will need in the first year. These are ways for them to be involved together.”

If the couple doesn’t live together, panelist Chad Stefanyak said that that can create a challenge: “While mixed families are so much the norm now, and talking about marriage is not that unfamiliar to 17-year-olds, the situation is going to feel different from the perspective of the parents’ generation.”

The son’s parents need to explore the relationship with the girl’s parents, panelist Erin Stalsitz suggested, adding that everyone involved should come together to discuss goals for bringing up the child: “There probably always will be conflict, but the grandparents and the young couple need to talk about how they are going to work this out. Both sets of grandparents need to be supportive without taking over.”

There are many issues that need to be considered, according to the panelists. Stefanyak recommended that the new father see a lawyer to protect his custody rights. Wallace said child support also needs to be discussed. Stalsitz added that the young father will need to get at least a part-time job so he can contribute to the baby’s expenses.

Wallace said she didn’t think it was necessary to go too far in planning for the child: “We need to get done what needs to be done now and up until the child is born.”

Stefanyak, however, made a case for longer-term planning to include education and custody issues down the road: “Let’s figure this out now.”

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor, and Erin Stalsitz, Lehigh Children & Youth.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.