During this holiday season, we hear the pretty Christmas carol “Silent Night” often.

Is there such a thing anymore as a silent night? Or a silent day? Or any silence? I wonder.

I recently was reminded of the importance of being silent when I saw a T-shirt bearing the words, “Listen and Silent have the same letters.”

Indeed they do. What a thought-provoking message. We cannot listen if we are not silent. Only when we are quiet and focused can we truly hear meaning rather than just words.

How many times are we saying something and get the uneasy feeling no one is listening to us? I am afraid it happens a lot.

Maybe we are speaking to a friend on the phone and can hear that person talking to someone else in the background. Or we are talking to someone who suddenly interrupts and talks over us, often changing the topic.

I can tell when my so-called listener has not been paying attention at all when he or she responds totally inappropriately to whatever I have said.

Example: I say, “Kurt’s dad died from the coronavirus.” My listener responds, “Oh, that’s nice.”

By the way, that conversation really happened.

Just because we are blessed with the physical ability to hear does not mean we know how to listen.

Are we guilty of being a poor listener? How can we improve this important communications skill?

Step one is to be silent. We cannot listen and talk at the same time.

I remember my wise grandmother telling us noisy grandkids, “God gave you two ears and only one mouth for a reason.”

She was right. We don’t learn anything new by talking. But we might learn plenty by listening.

When we actively listen to folks who are speaking to us, we give them the gift of our time and attention.

Good listeners look at the speaker, not at cellphones or computer screens or out the window. We want to convey that our focus is undivided.

Eye contact and body language are important if we are together in person. We need to listen without being distracted by what we are planning to say next.

If we start to judge the person or what they are saying, we close our minds and are not being effective listeners. Try hard not to speed up the communications process by finishing the speaker’s sentences.

I have a friend who does this frequently, and usually she is way off base when she interrupts me and finishes my sentences, because she is not paying attention to my train of thought. Interrupting someone who is speaking, whether on the phone or in person, sends a negative message. It tells the speaker we think what we have to say is more relevant or more interesting than what we are hearing. It makes the speaker feel inferior.

When someone discusses a problem with us, we should not interpret that as an open invitation to provide our two cents. Most people do not want our advice or opinion.

If they do, they will ask for it. Often, they just want to vent to a sympathetic ear.

Giving appropriate feedback to the speaker demonstrates we are listening and understanding.

We can express joy if hearing some thrilling news or express sadness if the speaker shares something terrible. We can ask questions or restate issues to confirm we processed the message correctly.

This tells the speaker we are tuned in and empathize.

In this season of goodwill and generosity, give others the valuable gift of feeling heard and understood.

Give them a proverbial silent night.