Q. My husband thinks that our son, who turned six in July, should not cry when he is injured. My husband says if our son continues to cry every time he gets hurt, children will make fun of him. I say that when he gets hurt, we need to be empathetic, and let him calm down. Then we can talk about how to get back up and “brush it off.” What do you advise?

Panelist Joanne Raftas reacted to the first statement in the question that the husband thinks their son should not cry when he gets hurt. “Who agrees with that statement,” she asked the rest of the panel?

No one agreed. The point was made that crying is a normal reaction to an injury, and it is OK for six-year-olds to cry.

“Regardless of which side you are on,” panelist Mike Daniels said, “the first message from the parents to the child should be recognition and acknowledgment that the child is hurt, not how the child is reacting to the hurt.

“If you go to behavior first, then you have to make a judgment on the behavior,” Daniels continued. “If you go to the feelings, ‘Oh, you are hurt and you are sad,’ that’s validation.”

Adding her agreement, panelist Pam Wallace said the first intervention needs to be “You are hurt. Let me comfort you.” Later, the parents can talk to their son about how to deal with the hurt, Wallace advised.

Raftas said this week’s question perfectly demonstrates the differing parenting roles. Fathers teach their offspring how to get by in the world, and mothers teach about relationships.

“I’m agreeing with both sides, but they need to avoid extremes, and understand that every child is different. This is about balance,” Raftas said.

Noting that it is difficult to change a child’s reactions because some are just more sensitive and emotive, panelist Chad Stefanyak also said he didn’t think the mother would have much luck changing her husband’s attitudes about this issue.

“The parents need to discuss what their goal is in all this, and what their reactions should be to the son’s crying because if they overreact the boy will, too,” said Stefanyak.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Joanne Raftas, Northampton Community College, independent counselor; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor, and Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, teacher and former school administrator.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health-care provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.