Going through a divorce is like playing catch over a tall fence. You throw the ball. It goes over the fence, but you can’t see where it lands.

Did the person on the other side catch it? Is he chasing it? Is it on its way back? Is it coming in slow, or fast?

Okay, in my experience, it’s never fast.

Now, add a large, wide piece of flypaper at the top of the fence, and call it COVID-19, which has closed down courts and resulted in certain involved players going into quarantine, which has led me to taking lots of deep breaths while I tried not to lose my mind.

I don’t recommend the process to anyone, but sometimes it has to happen.

I am fortunate to know a few people who have gone through this process and come out of it stronger. I am not there yet, but I am better off than I was a little over four years ago. That’s encouraging.

Once, I had a supervisor who was so overjoyed when she received her divorce decree, she took her entire staff out to dinner.

I’ve known others who suffered through the process and came out of it bitter.

And I know others for whom the cost of the attrition was too much, who just gave up.

I don’t think I will have a huge celebration when the decree arrives. But I think it will be a satisfying moment.

Right now, the ball is on the other side of the fence. If this were a ball game, it would be in the bottom of the ninth, with bases loaded and the outcome still uncertain.

Divorce is not a competition. It’s a process, with poorly defined timelines. It is also a system largely ruled by money. I can’t begin to describe the totality of injustice in this. Particularly in a scenario where women often earn less than men and are more likely to carry on more of the caretaking of the family unit. This is before you factor in circumstances such as poverty, illness or abuse.

Like many injustices in our society, it would take a lot of work and allocation of assets to fix. We have seen a scarcity of resources during the pandemic, and no one really knows how much it will cost to even begin to make things balanced again. Balancing even back to the imbalanced world of several months ago is a huge challenge.

What do I think would help disadvantaged citizens who find themselves separated? A host of social services, centralized in a single department, including legal services, would be a good start. There are resources out there, but they are divided among too many agencies, often with some very confusing rules. For example, when I sought a custody agreement, as the plaintiff, legal aid was not available to me. But it was for my boys’ father, because he was the defendant. I believe if legal aid is offered to one party, it should be available to both.

Thankfully, what I did have were friends. And that made all the difference.

When I get to the end of this, and once large gatherings are allowed again, maybe I should throw a party for them.

Or maybe I should put my energy into leveling the playing field for others in similar circumstances.

That fence is pretty darned tall, but fences can be brought down, with enough effort, energy and resources.