Dear Jacquelyn,

We were planning a large wedding for late fall and now we are concerned that having so many people attend would be a bad idea. Invitations have already been sent, but we have decided to shorten the guest list. What is the polite way to uninvite guests without hurting their feelings?

Dear Reader,

The good news is that as the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic lockdown eases with Pennsylvania in the Green Phase, weddings can take place again.

The bad news is you might decide to scale back your guest list.

If you go ahead with a planned wedding, you might have to face the awkward problem of uninviting some of your family and friends.

Choosing who attends and keeping your relationship intact with those who don’t make the short list is definitely a challenge. Under normal circumstances, it would be in very poor taste to uninvite a wedding guest after he or she already received the invitation. But we’re not dealing with normal circumstances. We’re dealing with the new normal.

It’s best to create an across-the-board rule for how you’re reducing the guest list, like keeping it to just immediate family.

Keep it fair. There must be rhyme and reason to paring the list down so that uninvited guests don’t take your decision personally.

Reach out to those guests you will no longer be able to accommodate with a phone call so you can highlight that it’s nothing personal.

Communicate the information in a thoughtful manner. It will be uncomfortable, but do so in the most appropriate way. Be compassionate and honest in your delivery.

Emphasize how difficult this decision was to make. Reassure the uninvited guest that the decision to shorten the guest list was made after great deliberation, but the choice was made to ensure your big day was not a factor in anyone becoming ill.

Etiquette is adapting to meet many scenarios we could not have envisioned at the beginning of 2020.

You might be surprised by how many people will not only understand, but may actually be relieved.

Respectfully Yours,

Jacquelyn

Have a question? Email: jacquelyn@ptd.net. Jacquelyn Youst is owner of the Pennsylvania Academy of Protocol, specializing in etiquette training. She is on the board of directors of the National Civility Foundation.

All Rights Reserved &Copy; 2020 Jacquelyn Youst