Q. Do any of you have advice about bedtime for teens? I work and have to go to bed between 10 and 11 p.m. to be functional the next morning. My 13- and 16-year-olds refuse to go to bed that early in the summer. If I don’t control the situation, they will stay up on their devices all night long. We’ve tried to shut down the Wi-Fi, but they turn their devices into hotspots. We’ve tried to shut down all apps on phones, but they figure out work-arounds. I feel like the parent of a newborn again with all of the middle of the night checks.

At first there were responses from the panel about the teens’ behavior.

Panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo said, “There need to be ground rules about bedtime and use of devices as long as the teens are living under their parents’ roof.”

Panelist Denise Continenza said the teens should be given chores to do so if they sleep all day and don’t get their work done, there will be consequences.

“There are rules to living in a house,” panelist Pam Wallace agreed, but she also said, “The parents are trying to install rules now and it’s too late.”

Two basic approaches to dealing with the teens were presented by panelists Mike Daniels and Chad Stefanyak.

“You can try to limit phone time, take the phones away or get service disconnected,” Daniels said, “but I never recommend taking a child’s phone away because it becomes a fight to the death.”

Stefanyak added, “This is normal teenage behavior, and power struggles are a waste of effort.”

The second alternative would be to take a more realistic and positive approach.

“Parents need to acknowledge that teens control their own behavior,” Daniels said. “Tell them the consequences of what they are doing, provide information and deal with whatever decisions they make without becoming emotional.

“They are teenagers trying to figure out the world and making mistakes, but if the parents get angry, the learning opportunity gets lost in the conflict,” said Daniels.

Stefanyak clarified, “We’re not saying give up and let the teenagers do whatever they want, but what the parents are doing isn’t working.

“This isn’t about cell phones or sleep. It’s about parents needing to realize that their parenting needs to grow with their kids. It is no longer adequate to just say, ‘Do it because I say so,’” said Stefanyak.

This week’s panel: Pam Wallace, program coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist, Denise Continenza, extension educator; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, educator and former school administrator; and Chad Stefanyak, school counselor.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

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