Uftmohls doona de leit mich froga wees coomed os ich net rous coom fer en goote, fette officeùfar Shreef, odder far Congress, odder far in de æSemly?

Ich con Es explaina.

Ich bin ae mohl galuffa far en office, un ich hob my mind uff gamaucht os sell aw es ledsht mohl is.

Es wore fier yohr tzurick, on der free-yohres eleckshon.

Ich bin rous cooma far orma-flager fum township.

Ich hob broveered de Republican nomination tsu maucha, awer se sin tsurick gonga uff mich un hen der Bench Hess ge nominate.

Don hov ich de Demagrawda broveered, awer se hen der oldt Dan Dushter uff ganumma.

Don bin ich rous cooma Independent unhob sex hoonert tickets drooka lussa, un bin nows unner de leit, un shier yader mon hut mer de hond gevva un hut ge sawd: Yaw, Boonastiel, du bisht my mon, far dich shtim ichùuff sell konsht dich farlussa.

Ich hob dri dawler batzawlt far de tickets, un es hut mich tswisha finf un sex dawler gakusht ons Hullerhecka om eleckshon dawg.

Un olles is recht gonga so weit.

Don hen se de tickets ga-tzaeled, un we feel denksht now os far mich ge shtimmed hen?

Doh sin de tsiffera: Far der Bench Hess, 147; far der Dan Dushter, 117; un mich, Boonastiel, 1.

Don we olles farby wore is ainer noach em onera cooma un yader hut gadoo os won es net far ene ge west ware het ich gor kae shtim greeked.

Der oldt Solaklapper, der Billy Bixler, der Bifflemoyer, der Honnaberger, der Shquire Lawbuck, der Schnitzler, der Kissinger un oll hen contend, en yader far sich selwer, os are het mer selle shtim gevva.

Awer don wore my gadoold om end.

Ich hob ena derno grawd rows in era ge sichter ni ge sawd os ich now sure bin os se oll farflompte lingner sin, wile ich exactly wase ware selle ansich ticket ge schtimmed hutùes wore my aegne shtim, un sell hut es ga-proofed os net wennicher os about dri hoonert lingner im township sin.

Un sidder sellem hov ich my mind uff gamaucht os ich ken office accept so long os ich labe, un os won ebber my shtim hovva will don muss are ons marrick cooma C.O.D. forna nows.

Often the people ask me why I don’t come out for a good, fat office for sheriff, or for Congress, or for Assembly?

I can explain. I once ran for office, and I made up my mind that it would be the last time.

It was four years ago, at the spring election.

I came out as a poor director from the township.

I tried for the Republican nomination but they went and nominated Bench Hess.

Then I tried the Democrats but they named old Dan Dushter.

Then I came out as Independent, and had 600 tickets printed, and went out to the people and almost every man gave me his hand and said: Yes, Boonastiel, you are my man, I will vote for you, you can depend on that.

I spent $3 for the tickets to be printed, and it cost me between $5 and $6 at Hullerhecka on Election Day.

Everything was going well so far.

Then they counted the tickets, and how many do you think voted for me? Here are the results:

For Bench Hess, 147; for Dan Dushter, 117; and me, Boonastiel, 1.

Then, when everything was over, one after the other said if it would not have been for them I would not have had any votes.

Old Solaklupper, Billy Bixler, Bifflemoyer, Honnaberger, Squire Lawbuck, Schnitzler, Kissinger, and all of them contended, if it were not for him, I would not have had the vote. But by then my patience was at an end.

I told each one to his face that I was surely certain that they were all liars, because I knew exactly who voted that one vote for me, it was my own vote and that proved that there were no less than 300 liars in the township.

And because of this I made up my mind that I will not accept any office as long as I live, and if someone wants my vote, they must come C.O.D. up front.

***

Editor’s note: Boonastiel in Pennsylvania Dutch by T.H. Harter, editor and proprietor of The Keystone Gazette Bellefonte, PA (1904). Translated by Mary Bittner Henry.