Almost every Sunday my youngest son, James, is with his father. That’s the day after breakfast, I do yoga. The first step is to clear the way living room rug of toys. Sometimes this is a workout in itself.

James has a toy acquisition obsession. It is not pure greed. When he was 4 years old, there was a period of about seven weeks when we were homeless. We were fortunate during that time that we always had a roof over our heads, first at a relative’s home, then at a motel that catered to weekly rentals. During that time, James’ toys were in storage at another relative’s home. We kept a small train track, a couple toy trains and a few storybooks with us.

A lot happened during that time, and much of it was awful. I didn’t know the psychological repercussions would include James’ ongoing obsession with acquiring toys. We struggle with this almost daily, and any time we pass the local convenience store, or go to Target, or even to the grocery store. He also has ADHD, and behaviors, and all of this has led to times when I would buy him a toy just to get us through a shopping trip without everyone losing their minds.

Then one day not long ago, we were walking home from his school, and he said, “Do you remember when I was four? I only had one train track, and it was an oval.” Boom. I quickly reassured him that during that time, many of his toys were visiting his cousin’s house, and he has them back now.

I’ve started limiting toy acquisition to once per week or so, but it’s not always easy. And recently, I have tried to show him that experiences are as valuable as toys. Sometimes, he goes with me to assignments he will enjoy. One Saturday we went to the dog races at Steelstacks, and he enjoyed taking photos with his tablet. From there, we went to a Fall Fest at Freedom HS. He loved the haunted house. Finally, we went to a hockey game. That was a very busy day. Other times, we might go to a park, or to the library.

Knowing the root of his obsession has helped me try to reason with him, or when that fails, bodily carry him out of a store while he cries for a toy. He has a new behavior chart at school, and the behavior support staff has been smartly rewarding him with goldfish some weeks, pretzels, and an occasional toy. That is helping. Even his father is finally realizing it isn’t healthy for James to expect a new toy every time they are together.