I am a single mother, separated and in the process of divorce for going on three years. I am mother to two wonderful adults, Samantha and Erick, and one precious and precocious 6-year-old, James. You may have seen photos of James in the Bethlehem Press, as he is often with me as I report on events.

In this column, I will not say much about my marriage, or my soon-to-be ex-husband. A few months after we separated, my two younger children and I moved to the Lehigh Valley. Samantha was in college at the time. I was working as a substitute teacher. Subbing is not well compensated, and it does not offer benefits, and that became a problem when suddenly we no longer had health care coverage. (The coverage we did have was through my ex’s work, and he quit his job.)

I contacted the state department of human services and was connected to the Lehigh County Assistance Office. This was a daunting experience for me. Answering what I felt were very personal questions and providing all sorts of income and identification was stressful. We were given an emergency food card, and the children and I were signed up for medical assistance.

Several months later, we were living in Bethlehem, and I was without a car. First off, I love Bethlehem. We have made this city our home, and it is a friendly, vibrant city. However, there is no full-service supermarket within walking distance of many Bethlehem neighborhoods, including where we live. I was already taking a LANTA bus to work, and the supermarket Erick likes best (yes, that is a factor if I want him to go along and help bag the groceries) was a relatively short 15-minute bus ride away. The bus stops right at the market. It seemed easy enough. But have you ever been on a bus with an active 6-year-old with ADHD?

The first ride on the bus, he wanted to sit in the center back seat, which he fell out of the first time the bus braked. We have to squish him between us on bus rides. We also had to talk about using a quiet voice on the bus.

Inside the grocery store is always an adventure. Erick generally prefers to go off and gather what he wants, instead of staying with me and James. I don’t blame him. The first trip, we picked up what I would normally pick up. Getting on the bus with all those bags was weird and keeping them from tipping during the ride back, an adventure. Getting off the bus with kids and bags was an exercise in patience for both me and the bus driver.

Then there was the time we missed the bus going back, and had to entertain James for a full hour before the next one arrived. None of this was impossible to do, but it was pretty stressful. There was also the simple embarrassment factor.

I was raised by a single mother myself. Her situation was different, but she was also determined not to accept charity, so for some time I felt very self-conscious when using the assistance card. I doubt the case manager assigned to me for food stamps liked me much. I called him many times with questions, and sometimes I lacked patience when things would change. The amount we received changed often, depending on whom, if anyone, was working. Things improved a bit when I was hired full time. But while my job has great benefits (I now have coverage for me and the children), my income still fell within food assistance range.

Last winter, the state office miscalculated what my daughter earned as a college RA, multiplying her semester-long earnings by four. Suddenly our food benefit was cut off. Three months later, they recalculated and added the back benefit to the card, but the damage to my monthly budget had already been done.

Eventually, hopefully soon, we will no longer need food benefits. We have already been on them a little longer than I wanted to be. Food benefits, by the way, are calculated on gross income, thus including money you never actually have in hand. There is an ugly spot in the calculations where you can be ineligible by a tiny amount, and I hope we don’t end up there. But there are other food resources in the valley, and I coupon, and in the spring and summer, I grow vegetables and herbs in pots on the little deck of my apartment.

So I am determined that whatever happens, we will be okay. The whole larger experience eroded my sense of hope for a long time, but it also honed my determination.

A word about the Fresh Food Bucks program which allows SNAP recipients to receive double bucks from certain farmers market vendors at local farmers markets. You can find a list of participating markets at www.lvfreshfoodbucks.org/locations, but be sure to check with the organizers of the individual markets, because not all vendors within a market participate.

In my next column, I will go more into what is a common issue for many single mothers: the dreaded “income problem.”