Q. My one child (age seven) is almost always “in trouble” in school, and the other one (age 10) is the star student. We don’t have any major issues at home with either of them, although they are very different. We don’t want either of our children to get labeled or have a reputation that follows them through school. How do we keep this from happening?

The panel began by stating that children should never be compared or labeled.

“It is important to recognize that every child is different,” panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo said, adding that “sometimes children know they are being labeled, so they act out in that way to gain attention.”

Panelist Chad Stefanyak said that school classrooms have their own groups and personalities, so even if a child is raised in the same environment at home, his experiences in the classroom are going to be different.

“Talk to the teacher,” panelist Kristy Bernard urged, adding, “Get the teacher’s perspective on what is meant by ‘being in trouble.’”

Bernard said the teacher would have the most insights into any underlying issues that might be affecting behaviors at school, and would have suggestions on how to improve things.

“In the grand scheme of things,” Bernard said, “the school wants the child to be successful.”

“Often, bad behavior is a reflection of academic difficulties,” Stefanyak continued. “It could be a learning issue manifesting itself as avoidance behaviors.”

What the parents are really asking, panelist Pam Wallace suggested, is how to keep the issue from becoming long-term. “One solution is to become part of a team effort with everyone working towards the same goal,” Wallace said.

Panelist Erin Stalsitz supported the idea of the parents having a meeting with the teacher as a first step to try and figure out what the specific behavioral problems are. “The parents need a lot more information,” Stalsitz said.

Stefanyak concluded that “worrying about a long-term reputation wasn’t very productive because the parents may be missing something that may be an easy fix. “It isn’t going to be a life sentence,” he said.

This week’s team of parenting experts are: Pam Wallace, Program Coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, former teacher and school administrator; Erin Stalsitz, Lehigh County Children and Youth Casework Supervisor; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor, and Kristy Bernard, Northampton County Children & Youth Program Specialist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

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