Q. My son’s pre-school teacher called to set up a meeting with my wife and myself. The teacher said that she and his teachers are concerned about my son’s behavior. How can my wife and I prepare for this meeting?

The panel began its discussion by urging the parents to find out what the behaviors are that are of concern, so that the parents can discuss them before the meeting.

“This is appropriate to ask about beforehand,” panelist Chad Stefanyak said, adding, “While typically the school tries a team approach with parents helping problem-solve, too often parents are put on the defensive. If the child is misbehaving, the assumption may be that his bad behavior is caused by bad parenting. This is not the tone we are trying to set.”

Panelist Kristy Bernard said that to be ready for the meeting, the parents should be prepared to discuss any observations of the son’s behavior they have made at home, and any concerns they may have themselves. They also should try to remember any comments made by the son. “Has he mentioned getting in trouble, or not getting along with other children?” said Bernard.

The reason for the parents-teacher meeting might be for information-seeking, according to panelist Pam Wallace, who said, “Are there any problems or changes at home that the boy may be reacting to at school?” Wallace urged the parents to be honest about what is going on.

This can be a mutually-beneficial meeting, panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo said. Parents should be prepared to ask questions and provide information, said Mercado-Arroyo, adding, “Often, teachers don’t know what is going on at the child’s home, so parents can help by assessing what is happening in the family and in the boy’s life.”

Noted Stefanyak, “Parents can also provide insights when the behavior isn’t happening at home. What might be happening at school that might be eliciting the bad behavior?”

“The teachers also need to know how the parents handle similar situations at home,” Bernard said, adding, “The school may be handling things differently than the child is used to, so he may be reacting to that.”

Mercado-Arroyo said that parents should always remember that children can behave differently at school than when they are at home.

Panelist Erin Stalsitz cautioned the parents not to bring their child to the meeting. The meeting should be for the teacher or teachers and the parents. The meeting should be held after pre-school.

This week’s team of parenting experts are: Pam Wallace, Program Coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, former teacher and school administrator; Erin Stalsitz, Lehigh County Children and Youth Casework Supervisor; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor, and Kristy Bernard, Northampton County Children & Youth Program Specialist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

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