Q. Why won’t my three-year-old listen to me? I have to tell him things over and over again, but he doesn’t listen.

Panelist Kristy Bernard said she wanted to know in what types of scenarios is the son not listening to his mother. “Are there other distractions happening when she is talking to him?” she asked, then said that it is normal for three-year-olds not to listen.

“You have to go back to the fact that the boy is three,” panelist Pam Wallace explained. “What might be important to the parent is not always important to the child.”

Continuing on that theme, panelist Chad Stefanyak said, “The mother is competing with a world full of stimuli. With this child, what his mother is telling him is probably of the least interest to him.”

The panel went on to discuss how the mother might be contributing to the son’s not listening.

“If by not listening the parent means not following directions, then she may have to consider how she is giving those directions,” Stefanyak said. “If you say, ‘Go upstairs and get ready for bed,’ you’ve lost him. ‘Go to bed’ is a four-step process for a three-year-old.”

Directions should be given as a single step at a time, and they should be specific, Bernard said. As an example, instead of asking the boy to put his toys away, tell him first to pick up his trucks off the floor, and then to put them in the basket.

What the mother is doing when she is giving her son directions may also be a factor, according to the panel.

Stefanyak asked if the mother was on the phone or doing something else when she was telling the son what to do: “Is she giving the boy the required amount of attention and eye contact?”

Panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo said it was important to know how the boy listens and responds in other situations outside the home, such as at day care: “That can help determine if it is a hearing issue, a processing issue, or just a normal three-year-old.”

This week’s team of parenting experts are: Pam Wallace, Program Coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, former teacher and school administrator; Erin Stalsitz, Lehigh County Children and Youth Casework Supervisor; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; and Kristy Bernard, Northampton County Children & Youth Program Specialist.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician with questions you may have.