Q. I am the parent of three wonderful children, but sometimes I just run out of patience with them, whether it is having to remind them to hang up their coats, or turn off the lights when they leave the room, or put away their playthings. I know it doesn’t sound like a big deal, but it is important to me, and sometimes I just lose it. How can I become more patient?

Panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo began the discussion by observing that as a teacher she learned that she had to teach her students how to organize their own desks, and put things back where they belonged. “It took practice,” she said, adding, “It is the same for a parent. Sometimes you will be successful, and sometimes you won’t.”

“Organization is very important to this parent,” panelist Denise Continenza said, “but organization is least important to children. Our job as parents is to teach our children that there is order in life, and here’s what they need to do to get along in society. They will forget. That’s what they do best. So, know that you will have to give them lots of reminders.”

There were suggestions from the panelists on how to make it easier for children to be more organized, including having a specific space where each could put his or her things after coming home from school. Knowing where everything goes and having a routine may help, Mercado-Arroyo said.

Continenza mentioned a technique she used with her own children. The children would have to stop what they were doing until they hung up their coats, or put their toys away. Sometimes she said she would make a game of it: “I’d tell them when they finished hanging up their coats, they could have a snack. When they put their laundry away, they could play a game. They knew that when they finished what I wanted them to do, they could have fun.”

In response to the mother’s concern over her lack of patience, panelist Pam Wallace said dealing with three children at home can be stressful: “The mother needs to look to her own needs. Is she getting enough rest? Is she eating well?” Wallace asked. “If she isn’t, if she’s tired or not feeling well, she is not going to have as much patience.”

The panelists all agreed that keeping things in perspective and having reasonable expectations when you have three children in the house is part of the solution.

This week’s team of parenting experts are: Pam Wallace, Program Coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Denise Continenza, extension educator; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, former teacher and school administrator, and Erin Stalsitz, Lehigh County Children and Youth Casework Supervisor.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

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