Q. On Sunday, my 13-year-od son told me that he no longer wanted to attend church services. He said that he does not believe in God, and that going to church is a waste of time. Our family has always been very involved with our church, and I am horribly upset by this. I have two younger children and I don’t want them to be influenced by their brother. What can I do?

“The mother should have a friendly and open conversation with her son about the sudden change in his feelings,” panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo suggested. “What has happened? Why the sudden change? Whom has he been talking to about it?”

Noting that 13 is a normal age for children to start breaking away from their families and the family’s beliefs, panelist Chad Stefanyak said the approach to talking to the son shouldn’t be “Here’s what’s right,” but rather, “Here’s what I believe.”

Stefanyak said the mother should then ask her son what his thoughts are. “Another topic might be the difference between belief in God and questioning what a specific religion teaches. Try to find out what he is really questioning,” Stefanyak said.

The younger children are going to get information from the 13-year-old, so they should be part of the conversation according to their ages, panelist Pam Wallace added.

“I’m not sure this is really about God,” panelist Erin Stalsitz said. “It could just be a general statement to get out of going to church on Sundays.”

It would be helpful to know where the son is getting his information and on what his opinion is based in order to discuss it, Stalsitz said: “Is it peer pressure from school, or material from the media or the Internet?”

”This may not be a battle you want to have with a 13-year-old,” Stefanyak said. “He’s testing boundaries. What else can he use to separate from the family: food, television shows?”

Mercado-Arroyo emphasized that 13-year-olds need guidance: “When they don’t get it from their parents, they become confused.”

She also warned against giving children too much power. “The mother needs to tell the son that the family all goes to church, and she expects him to go with them.”

Other panelists’ observations were that, while the mother can respect the son’s right not to believe, he needs to respect his family’s core values.

Continuing to go to church can provide the son an opportunity to learn more about what he and others believe.

This week’s team of parenting experts are: Pam Wallace, Program Coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, educator and former school administrator; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor, and Erin Stalsitz, Lehigh County Children and Youth.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org. The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child. The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.