Q. I have become one of those parents I never thought I would be. On those rare occasions when my husband and I go out for dinner, we have started to bring along our iPhones and tablets to keep our children, three- and five-years-old, occupied so that we can have adult talk, and so they don’t get bored. How can I stop this without them having a meltdown in the restaurant?

“We have to start by saying, ‘It’s OK,’” panelist Kristy Bernard said. “Times are changing, and technology is changing how parents raise children today.”

Panelist Mike Daniels said, “Going out to eat involves things that just aren’t fun for kids. I’d rather have my kids on an iPhone than running around the restaurant.”

Noting that the parent was obviously uncomfortable with her children using iPhones at a restaurant table, panelist Pam Wallace asked whether the discomfort was with the technology or how it is being used.

Daniels asked if the parent would be more comfortable if her children were doing something educational with the technology.

Wallace and several other panelists suggested using the iPhones or iPads to teach something, such as number or letters, or bringing along interactive toys.

Panelist Denise Continenza talked about setting guidelines, for example, using computers until dinner is served, but not during eating.

The need for parents to give good examples of responsible use of technology was raised by panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo. She warned against turning electronics into pacifiers. Daniels suggested, “Start by going somewhere for ice cream or a piece of pie only for about 20 minutes. Tell the children what you are going to do, but before going in, say, ‘By the way, we need to leave the iPhones in the car.’” If they fuss, the parents cancel the treat. Daniels said repeating this successfully a few times and increasing the time involved will show the children they can do without the devices.

Bernard said, “It’s OK for kids to play with tech in restaurants, but if you don’t want them to use computers, and you want adult talk, then don’t bring the children with you. At three and five, they are not going to sit quietly.” Daniels said that going out to dinner with children is not a date night or parents’ dinner. “It’s family night, and the parents should be engaging their children.”

Regardless of whether electronics or coloring books or interactive toys are used, the parents still need to converse with their children about things they understand and in which they are interested. “If parents aren’t engaging their children at dinner time, they are missing out on an opportunity to teach them socialization skills,” panelist Chad Stefanyak said.

This week’s team of parenting experts are: Pam Wallace, Program Coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist, CTS; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, educator and former school administrator; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Kristy Bernard, Northampton County CYF program specialist and training coordinator, and Denise Continenza, extension educator, Penn State Extension. Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org. The Family Project is a collaboration of Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child. The Times News, Inc., and affiliates (Lehigh Valley Press) do not endorse or recommend any medical products, processes, or services or provide medical advice. The views of the columnist and column do not necessarily state or reflect those of the Lehigh Valley Press. The article content is not intended as a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician, or other qualified health provider, with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.