Q. My daughters aged seven and four are giving me a lot of trouble when I put them to bed, and then again in the morning. At night, they don’t want to settle down and go to sleep. In the morning, they are tired and do not want to get out of bed. I wake up anxious because my mornings are always horrible, and bedtime is chaos. I’ve tried reward charts and timeout, and have taken toys away. I just don’t know what else to do. I am really overwhelmed and looking for help.

The panel said it would be helpful to know what the bedtime routine was. Routines provide comfort and predictability, and help children feel safe, panelist Denise Continenza said. She suggested creating a calming environment before bedtime by dimming lights, turning down the volume on music, and turning off the television.

“Be careful with bedtime and screen time,” panelist Kristy Bernard cautioned. “With kids today, it is technology and screen time all the time.” She recommended turning off the television and computer an hour or two before bedtime because she said, “Studies show it takes that long for the mind to relax and get out of the screen time zone before bed.”

Panelist Pam Wallace asked if the two girls slept in the same room, which would make a big difference because the four-year-old would likely go to bed before her older sister.

If the children’s bedroom is a place where they eat, watch television and play during the day, panelist Chad Stefanyak said it will be harder for the children to associate the room with sleep.

Panelist Mike Daniels asked what the mother does after the children go to bed. “If mom is going on screen time and having fun, that could be part of the problem. At their age, the kids want to be part of the fun.”

Daniels suggested putting the four-year-old to bed first and reading to her. When she is asleep, mom spends time reading or relaxing with the seven-year-old before she goes to bed. “Do this every night for three nights. Then, every other night for a week. Then, every third or fourth night. For a while, the eldest becomes part of the routine,” Daniels said.

As for morning, the panel encouraged doing something playful or fun. Some suggestions were to dance around the room or sing. Open the curtains to let in sunshine or turn on the lights. Give them a 10-minute deadline, then get out. Remind them in 10 minutes. Pull the covers off them. Make a game of it.

Panelist Wanda Mercado-Arroyo advised mom to give herself some extra time in the morning before it is time to wake up the children: “If she could do that she might feel less anxious.”

This week’s team of parenting experts are: Pam Wallace, Program Coordinator, Project Child, a program of Valley Youth House; Mike Daniels, LCSW, Psychotherapist, CTS; Wanda Mercado-Arroyo, educator and former school administrator; Chad Stefanyak, school counselor; Kristy Bernard, Northampton County CYF program specialist and training coordinator, and Denise Continenza, extension educator, Penn State Extension.

Have a question? Email: projectchild@projectchildlv.org.

The Family Project is a collaboration of the Lehigh Valley Press Focus section and Valley Youth House’s Project Child.

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